Hilarious Hidden Inappropriate Themes in Ancient Literature 

Interesting class today. I think the only thing we managed to accomplish was to make fun of Aeneus. “Why isn’t he the typical Roman soldier?” 

“Because he cries all the time.” I say, “plus, he’s too open about his relationship with the gods. It’s more intimate than it should be.” 

“How so?” 

Pony tail hipster guy perks up and says, “Romans are supposed to aim to please the gods. Not be their pet.” I give him my nod of approval and continue. 

“Then you have Turnus who is definitely more Roman but he doesn’t really think about the gods when he acts.” 

“Turnus is Roman because Turnus turnt up,” pony tail hipster guy adds. 

There was also a conversation about the excess of groin jabs and injuries. 

“This is why they’re crying so much!” Exclaims the professor. 

“So is this why their so hostile? Because they hold their pride and manly hood I’m the groin?” Asked Mulan. 

“Yes Mulan, the Trojans are upset because the Rutilians keep taking swings at their manhood.” He had meant that to be sarcastic but this is a 4000 level English class, we take everything seriously. 

Things only got worse after Elsa had to add, “with their shapely, bloody limbs.” 

Whistle shakes his head, “Shapely? Why use shapely? Out of all the words in the English language Virgil used shapely.” 

“This is all seems so, so, so…. ” The girl my posse have nicknamed skippy for unknown reasons (probably just because we can’t remember her name) struggled for the right word to use. “Intimate?” 

“Yes!” Pony tail hipster guy shouts, “this whole book is just one big pile of homoerotica with gore. Only thing left to do is replace the blood with chocolate sauce.” 

“I should write my research paper on that,” another guy, who’s name I believe starts with an I but I can’t be sure, joked. 

The professor replies, “That’s not research, that’s fan fiction.” 

Instead of ending the conversation there, the class had to laugh historically and continue to comment. 

“They are Romans,” Methuselah says, “it’s to be expected.” 

I just happened to be sitting next to the professor trying desperately to contain my laughter so that I can transcribe this unusual yet highly entertaining conversation for this very blog. He looks over at me, knowing what I’m doing and begins to plead with the class to keep it P.G. 

I mean, it’s his fault. He chose the books, were college students and he also encouraged the discussion whether he meant to or not. And as much as I despise coming to class, I’m very glad I did because this was too funny not to share. I only wish every class could be like this, especially when the professor picks books that are slightly inappropriate. Like last semester and Brave New World. Just imagine the conversations we could have had about the “Orgy Porgy scene.” 

Discussions from a 4000 Level English Class 

Remember those English majors I told you I befriended? We all decided to take an advanced literature class together. It’s a very riveting class and almost always entertaining, and here’s why: 

“My iPad is possessed!” My friend Mulan cried out in frustration just seconds before the professor starts the class. 

Deeply saddened by Mulans technical difficulties, our professor replies “That’s awful, what happened to it?” 

I-being a good friend-answered our professor so Mulan wouldn’t have to. “I have no idea. I was just holding it and-”

The Professor interrupts me with a sarcastic, but playful scoff. “That’s what’s wrong with it!”  This awarded our poor professor my ominous death stare I am so well feared for. He shrinks away from me in amused horror using his copy of the Aeneid to shield his face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” He cried, “don’t break me too!” 

The rest of the class begins to laugh off this potentially dangerous situation so we can begin our discussion on the first three books of Virgil’s most famous work. 

“Alright,” says the professor placing his book carefully on the desk before him, “what did we think of Aeneus?” 

This is one of those times where, in writing, we would say the clichèd chirp of crickets filled the room. Eventually I decided to answer. “He is awfully whiny.” 

“I thought that too!” Exclaimed my professor, “anyone else feel that way? Or maybe feel that this is an unfair accusation towards Aeneus?” 

No one replies. 

“Don’t be scared,” adds our professor, “speak up.” 

“You won’t hurt my feelings,” I said, “but you might hurt Aeneus’s feelings.” 

This of course caused a hysterical outburst from the professor. 

Class resumed as normal after that, until we began talking about how the Greeks breached Troy with the wooden horse. 

I turned to Mulan who was sitting next to me, “see, I told you the Romans were stupid.” 

The professor gives me a sarcastic glare, “Yes, if you take anything away from this class, let it be that ‘the Romans are stupid’.” 

This pretty much sums up every class period ought most of the time our professor is oblivious to the sarcastic and incredibly clever thoughts of his students as he is not privy to our group chat board. Maybe one day I’ll share those conversations with the Internet, but not today. I don’t think the Internet is ready for the witty, yet mischievous conversations of four senior English majors, a brilliant Asian philosophy student and a Criminal Justice tutor.  😉 

Until Monday, 

Oxoxo WildeKats. 

Love Kat. 

I Survived Warped Tour ’15 !

I know this is WAY late, but I finally decided to write about my experience at Warped Tour ’15. The good thing about Warped Tour is there’s something for everyone. Most people assume its all rock bands, and I guess it sort of is, but this time Family Force Five was a part of this party, as well as Never Shout Never and This Wild Life, all who are not rock bands.

The Vans Warped Tour is the largest touring music festival in the United States, it started out in 1995 which also makes it the longest touring music festival in North America. It may have started out as a skate punk and third-wave tour but since 1995  it has grown into something so much more! So many bands and independent singers are apart of this festival now, and this festival means so much to so many people! This is how many bands like Black Veil Brides (my favorite band of all time!), Fall out Boy, Blink 182, My Chemical Romance and Bless the Fall made a name for them selves. Singers like Juliet Simms, Katy Perry and Will I Am also got their start on a Warped Tour. Also, many members of bands and people who perform give music lessons to people who come to the tour! There are signings, merch tents, workshops and other opportunities to meet any one who inspires you! Warped Tour attracts a wide variety of people of every shape, form, hair color, musical taste and age-this is what makes it so special.

My Warped experience started out pretty normal. L and I got our tickets months in advance, told everyone we knew we were going and even planned our outfits. We looked up pictures from past tours, survival guides, ways to get in the venue early and I even plotted our route to the venue.

When L and her BF (we shall call him A) arrived in Phoenix I was beyond excited!

We arrived at the venue over an hour before they open the gates, brought canned food for the canned food drive and plenty of snacks and water. We were drenched in a mixture of sweat and sunscreen before they even opened the gates, but this in no way impeded our ability to enjoy every second. I was on a mission to vlog the entire day, L, was giving out free hugs and A was so pumped to see This Wild Life I’m pretty sure he wet his pants a little. Of course the main band L and I wanted to see was BVB, but we watched Juiliet Simms, Set It Off, Memphis May Fire, Pierce The Veil and even Escape the Fate play that day!

The Monster truck gave out FREE drinks all day, there was plenty of food, merch and other things to do the three of us didn’t know what to do with our selves! Word of advice, if you plan on going to Warped ’16 (which I do) BRING PLENTY OF SPENDING MONEY! I can’t tell you how hard it was to budget for that Juliet t-shirt and poster, the Van’s hat and t-shirt and then FOOD. Also, pay attention to the Instagram accounts associated with booths that will be there, most of them give out free prizes to people with the ‘magic word of the day’ (Journeys). The only thing I didn’t like about Warped was the crowd surfing. I’ve been to PLENTY of rock concerts in my life, but never have I ever been so ticked off by the crowd surfing. I mean, who starts at the back and plans to be carried to the front? Not only is this HIGHLY dangerous, it’s SO RUDE! I can’t tell you how many times L, A, and I got kicked in the head because we couldn’t see the retard surfing towards the stage. You’re not gonna make it to the stage, so why even try? Your supposed to start from the front and work your way to the back.

Warped Tour is not for the feint hearted, there is a LOT of cussing, screaming and people wandering around in very questionable outfits. When it gets closer to Warped ’16 I will post a survival guide with everything you need to know about getting through the day! L and I plan on going to Chicago this year! But if all else fails there will be one in Dallas that we can teeter on over to if need be.

Despite the unbearable temperature of the Arizona desert and the awful crowd surfing, the tour was just amazing. I fell in love with bands I had never even heard of, met some of the most amazing people ever, got to see my favorite band play on their favorite tour and share a great memory with one of my best friends! When everyone was finally kicked out we made our way to Chili’s for some much needed iced beverages and non-festival food before heading back to my villa for the night, but our adventure was far from over. Next it was off to L.A. to see what kind of trouble we could get ourselves into.

All in all, the sunburns, hearing loss and temporary dehydration was worth it! I cannot wait till Warped ’16. They should be announcing the line up soon. If your interested in going, here’s a link to the Warped Tour official site.

Conversations at a Chineese Restaurant

L was craving Chinese food after her Mary Kay party today (She’s a consultant) and because I’m an awesome bestie I of course tagged along. After we eat, the two of us are just chatting about different accents in the states. L is from Michigan, I unfortunately have an East Texas accent still. The conversation went a little like this…

L: When I first came here I kept saying Brookshire’s (the last part as in shire like LOTR, people in the south tend to say it like Brook-sure’s)

Me: I honestly had no idea what you were talking about. I was like “What’s Brookshires? You want me to take you to the shire, get Frodo and take a trip to Mordor or something?”

L obviously starts laughing hysterically and replies, “Road Trip!”

Everyone else in the Chinese joint is just looking at these two white girls dying in a booth by the window over a nerdy reference while drinking hot Chinese Tea. It was quite comical if you ask me, but it may have been one of those ‘you just had to be there’ times.

 

Passing on the Love: Fashion and Beauty Tips Every Girl Should Know

Here lately a plethora of people have asked me why I always look so darn fantastic and what my secret is. I always get asked if I go out after class or have a reason to dress up and my answer is always the same. I shake my head, smile politely and answer, “No, I just figured I have all of these nice clothes, so I might as well wear them!” Any one who knows me knows I dress according to my mood, one day I’ll be dressed in all black and the next I’ll rock that 90’s grunge trend, you just never know!

The secret is-there is no secret! Everyone is beautiful in their own way, you just have to learn to flaunt it correctly, and with today internet every one has access to all the tools they need to create a whole new look, it just takes practice! So I’ve compiled a list of tips and tricks in case that inner fashionista gets stuck. Most of these I learned from spending time in Las Vegas with super successful and gorgeous aunt. Some I had to figure out the hard way but there’s no reason you should have to do the same.

Okay, here we go:

  1. Always dress your best. You never know who you might run into.
  2. Be unpredictable! Don’t commit to one style, keep them guessing. It’s more memorable anyways.
  3. Wear sunscreen and drink lots of water. No one expects you to look perfect every day of the week. Taking care of your skin will help you look fabulous after all-nighters and rushed mornings.
  4. Cut back on the sodas, that’s probably why your so out of breath just climbing the stairs.
  5. Wear heels as much as you can, if you can. Heels shape your legs and strengthen your ankles. The right pair of heels can help a girl conquer the world.
  6. If you wear knee high socks and sit cross legged get over the knee socks to avoid that painful skin irritation.
  7. Never sleep in your makeup-ever. Seriously…just don’t do it.
  8. Don’t wash your hair everyday. The natural oils in your hair need to work their way to the roots. Shampooing too often can dry out your hair and make it unmanageable.
  9. Two words: Baby Powder. I mix it with my tinted mattifying powder, use it as dry shampoo and to keep things dry down there. Its fantastic stuff and has so many uses. If you don’t have any-get some.
  10. Stretch everyday! Muscles get tight just from sitting in class, stretching also helps relieve stress. Do it, it’s good for you.
  11. EXFOLIATE EVERYWHERE. Not too much, but just enough to remove the dead skin on the surface of your skin. Exfoliate before shaving/waxing to prevent shave bumps and ingrown hairs and use your tooth brush to exfoliate your lips to keep them soft.
  12. Don’t forget about your eyebrows, they define your face and deserve special attention at least once a week.
  13. If you cleanse, moisturize. Most cleansers have some sort of sulfate in them which can dry your skin out. Always replace the moisture with a good body/facial lotion after washing. It also helps prevent premature wrinkles. Baby soap and lotion are good/cheap alternatives for people with sensitive skin.
  14. You wear your clothes, they do not wear you. Same goes for your makeup. Experiment but don’t let one statement piece over power your over all look.
  15. Never wear a statement necklace with a statement bracelet or earrings. Choose one or the other.
  16. If you stack necklaces make sure they’re all in the same metallic hue (silver, gold, etc…)
  17. Don’t compete with other women. Life isn’t a competition and convincing yourself that other girl has longer legs than you or who has the flattest tummy drains your energy, dampens your mood and leaves you feeling ugly on the inside. You are perfect and never ever forget it. If you love you then everyone else will to!
  18. Curl those eyelashes baby! It helps to open up your eyes so that everyone can see your beautiful irises.
  19. Be aware of your posture, sit up straight and walk like you’re on a runway in New York.
  20. Smile and always be polite (I grew up in the south, this is VERY important if you want to be respectful).
  21. Always check the weather before you make any wardrobe decisions.
  22. Out of setting spray? Your shape wear riding up? Need your nail polish to dry faster? Hairy spray my friends, hairspray. It will keep both your hair and make up in place, keeps pantyhose from ripping more than they already have, keep shape wear from chaffing and riding up and can help dry nail polish. Hair spray is magic.
  23. Swipe translucent powder under your eyes in case your eyeliner or mascara runs so you can easily wipe away any smudges.
  24. Dryer sheets will get rid of static electricity when that day your hair decides to stand straight up rolls around.
  25. Cold spoons will help with under eye circles.
  26. Spritz a bit of sea salt spray in your hair on those rainy days. If your hair gets wet it will add some texture and give you a nice beachy look.
  27. Straighteners make awesome last minute irons for those pesky hem lines and collars that just wont stay flat.
  28. Your shoes can make or break an outfit. Whoever told you that no one will care what shoes you wear lied and should be hung for treason.
  29. Never ever dress up for boys! Dress up for you and only you. Wear things that make you feel confident and beautiful. If that’s Nike shorts and flip flops, wear Nike shorts and flip flops. You don’t need to strut in heels every day just because your boyfriend/significant other said he liked you in them.
  30. If your dying for a new look: hats, belts, jackets and vintage T-shirts are the easiest and cheapest way to add flare to your every day style without changing your look entirely.

These are, of course, just the tip of the ice burg and I most likely will add to them over time because I probably forgot something and I’m sure I’ll learn new tricks. So be sure and check back here for updates.

What are some of your beauty tricks? Anything you feel I should add to the list?
Go be beautiful WildeKats!

oxoxo

Kat

P.S. Go check out Olivia Somerlyn‘s youtube chanel! Her single OXO is my favorite song of the week!