Remember those English majors I told you I befriended? We all decided to take an advanced literature class together. It’s a very riveting class and almost always entertaining, and here’s why:
“My iPad is possessed!” My friend Mulan cried out in frustration just seconds before the professor starts the class.
Deeply saddened by Mulans technical difficulties, our professor replies “That’s awful, what happened to it?”
I-being a good friend-answered our professor so Mulan wouldn’t have to. “I have no idea. I was just holding it and-”
The Professor interrupts me with a sarcastic, but playful scoff. “That’s what’s wrong with it!” This awarded our poor professor my ominous death stare I am so well feared for. He shrinks away from me in amused horror using his copy of the Aeneid to shield his face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” He cried, “don’t break me too!”
The rest of the class begins to laugh off this potentially dangerous situation so we can begin our discussion on the first three books of Virgil’s most famous work.
“Alright,” says the professor placing his book carefully on the desk before him, “what did we think of Aeneus?”
This is one of those times where, in writing, we would say the clichèd chirp of crickets filled the room. Eventually I decided to answer. “He is awfully whiny.”
“I thought that too!” Exclaimed my professor, “anyone else feel that way? Or maybe feel that this is an unfair accusation towards Aeneus?”
No one replies.
“Don’t be scared,” adds our professor, “speak up.”
“You won’t hurt my feelings,” I said, “but you might hurt Aeneus’s feelings.”
This of course caused a hysterical outburst from the professor.
Class resumed as normal after that, until we began talking about how the Greeks breached Troy with the wooden horse.
I turned to Mulan who was sitting next to me, “see, I told you the Romans were stupid.”
The professor gives me a sarcastic glare, “Yes, if you take anything away from this class, let it be that ‘the Romans are stupid’.”
This pretty much sums up every class period ought most of the time our professor is oblivious to the sarcastic and incredibly clever thoughts of his students as he is not privy to our group chat board. Maybe one day I’ll share those conversations with the Internet, but not today. I don’t think the Internet is ready for the witty, yet mischievous conversations of four senior English majors, a brilliant Asian philosophy student and a Criminal Justice tutor. 😉