My Videogame Boyfriend

Spent all night playing Dragon Age Origins. I’ve only ever played it once before on my cousins Xbox and I was a male dwarf. Most of my friends are completely obsessed with this game, so of course I downloaded it for myself. And I am completely smitten with one of my companions. As is just about every other female (and possibly male) gamer who has ever played this game.

I play as a female Human Noble. Alistair loves me. My life is complete.

I was late to my day job, but that’s okay. After work I went to an afternoon church thing where we all gather and stuff our faces because we are baptists and someone asks me “Kat, why don’t you have a boy friend?”

I quickly stuff an entire brownie in my mouth to buy myself some time.

What do I say? I could just tell them I don’t want a boyfriend right now, school is more important. I can’t tell them that I just haven’t had time to really date, they always tell me to make time when I say that. So because I’m a complete fool and hate myself I say: “I have one.”

“Really?” My mom asks, “when did this start.”

“Oh, fairly recently,” I tell her.

“What’s his name?”

“Alistair.”

My red headed cousin chokes on her tea and looks at me with wide eyes, knowing very well just whom I am talking about.

“What an unusual name,” my grandmother muses, “wheres he from?”

“I think he said he was from Redcliffe, that’s north of here I think.”

Another wonderful church lady perks up and asks, “what does he do?”

I laugh uncomfortably. Just how far am I willing to take this? All the way. 😎 

“Oh, he’s a Grey Warden. He specializes in ridding the world of pests.” I’m almost positive they heard Game Warden instead of Grey Warden. “He’s currently off hunting something we like to call dark spawn. It’s not the most glorifying job, but it pays the bills.”

“Dark spawn?” The lady repeats. I nod happily.

“Yes. Then there’s the occasional bear or wolf attack, last night there were these giant spider things. The poor thing can’t stand spiders, he’ll probably have nightmares for a week.”

“Well what’s he like?” My grandma asks despite the now silent hysterical laughter coming from my red headed cousin.

I smile. “He was raised in the church, he’s very sweet, kind of dorky, and extremely sarcastic. He’s kind of puppy-dog-ish too but he’s an orphan so I guess that’s to be expected. Porthos is an actual dog and isn’t as needy but its endearing to an extent. Oh, and he’s madly in love with me, that’s always a plus.”

“He sounds lovely!” The church lady exclaims, “When can we meet him?”

I jump to my feet. “Never! You really think I’m going to bring my sweet, spineless boyfriend to the meet my southern family!? You’d all eat him alive and he’d run away forever. No, we plan to elope after graduation. I’ll send pictures.”

This is where I pick up my plate of brownies and walk away briskly to eat them shamelessly in peace, leaving a table of curious and rather confused elder ladies staring after me.

My mom caught on rather quickly, my cousin was struggling hard core to contain her spastic laughter and my grandmother found out the truth soon after my dramatic departure. She commended me on my improvisational skills. But I don’t think anyone has told the other church ladies I had been talking about a video game character. My family is a tad bit intimidating so I’m sure she thought my plan was perfectly logical.

My church family has always known me to be a bit dramatic and very talkative so conversations like this happen often. Someone remind me to write a post about taco suit guy-that is a good story. I had to find an excuse as to why he was dressed like a giant taco at a wedding reception… Other than the fact he just was. Ahhhhh, Good times. I’m always the person my friends come to when they need believable, yet mildly dramatic excuses. It’s one of my many talents. It’s also the reason I am our posse’s DM for D&D. I should tell you about my Christmas campaign sometime.

OXOXO WildeKats,

      Kat

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