Wow… So it’s been a while. You already knew how horrible of a blogger I was so I’m not sure what you expected.
Well I made it back from Britain… And to say the least-I didn’t wanna come home. And I sort of hit the ground running as soon as I got off the plane. My boss wants to move me to a store in Boston, I’m applying to grad school and trying to deal with publisher things. My goal is to publish SOMEHOW this summer now that I’m graduated and have a degree under my belt. Also… I started Dragon Age Inquisition 🙈 so that’s what I’ve really been doing for the last two weeks even though I still have thank you letters and application things to do.
But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. Since I got home to Texas, where its a few degrees shy of Satans kitchen, I’ve had this nagging desire to be SKINNY. It’s bikini season, I just spent the day at a water park and I’ve been to the lake with friends and have more plans that involve bathing suits and super cute outfits. I’m constantly scrolling through Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter checking up on my fave celebs and telling myself I need to look like them or “that’s a cute outfit. But I need to be smaller to wear that.”
THIS IS NOT OK!
The one thing I’ve been trying to accomplish on this blog is to PROVE its okay to love yourself THE WAY YOU ARE. I’m the QUEEN of self love, I sport my curves and I’m constantly showered with compliments from friends, strangers, and family. But still…in the back of my mind I long to be as skinny as Selena Gomez. Everyone knows I’m obsessed with Ariana… She’s just SO DAMN ADORABLE and I have boards full of Ari inspired looks and hairstyles. Here I am trying to convince the world they’re beautiful and I’m still comparing myself to celebrities.
I won’t lie, I’m not fat. I’m actually four sizes smaller than I was in high school, and even then I wasn’t fat. I was chunky, especially in the face but I was a baby so that’s normal…right? Now, my recent weight loss wasn’t a healthy weight loss, I’ve been battling an autoimmune disease so it’s mainly due to appetite loss, vomiting and medication. It’s hard for me to be physically active, even though I try to be so naturally I’ve got some junk in my trunk. And by junk I mean cottage cheese. I’ve also got what my sister calls…porn star boobs. Despite what anyone I went to high school says, they’re all natural and it would look absalutley absurd for anyone Ariana or Selena’s size to have double D’s.
So basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m human. I too struggle everyday with the longing to be bikini ready all year around. But the truth is–I’m not and probably never will be. I’m scarred, forever bloated thanks to CFS and unable to workout without using up ALL the spoons, but it’s okay. I will love my body no matter what. And I have to remind myself this everyday and so should you!
We’re all beautiful, made perfect the way we are. Everybody struggles, even the celebs we [shouldn’t] idolize. Just remember that they’re just people; most diet and rigorously train to look the way they do.
There is a difference in wanting to be healthy and wanting to be skinny. Which one do you want to be?
TTYL WildeKats 😘😘😘