Streetwalker Swag 

Okay WildeKats, I’m about to tell you a funny story. It is okay not to laugh but I doubt you will be able to resist.

I’ve never really said what my day job is exactly. I’ve worked at the same place for three years in a relatively small east Texas town. A few months ago I was cleaning the windows and this guy in a doo rag walks up to me. Okay, walked is the wrong verb, swaggered maybe? Doesn’t matter. He comes up to me and asks if I had an ‘old man.” Confused, I replied that I had a dad, of course. Doo Rag guy shakes his head vigorously and laughs.

“Naw, naw.. A boy friend. Do you have a boyfriend?”

Now I’m a tad terrified and also extremely annoyed. I let out a long drawn out “No” and continued to clean the windows.

“Do you want an old man?”

I spin around, very annoyed now and reply in a very curt voice, “No.” Then as if we had had no conversation at all he proceeds to skip on down the sidewalk. A coworker inside, having heard the entire conversation, is doubled over with laughter.

The funny part is (if you haven’t laughed already) that the same man approached one of our new employees today, only she handled him better than I would have thought possible.

This coworker, I call her Tee, is sitting outside smoking her cigarette on a 15. I’m outside as well, trying to warm up because my boss thinks he runs a meat locker. (It’s 95 outside) Doo Rag man, still walking with his swagger, shouts to get Tee’s attention from a pizza place further down the sidewalk. She looks around for a good while before she spots my brief suitor. 

“What you doing tonight?” He asks her.

Tee points at herself, “You talkin to me? Nothing. I am doing nothing.” Her tone was very adamant so Doo Rag guy wouldn’t see this as an invitation.

He holds out his arms and asks for a hug; Tee refuses. “Don’t be like that! Give me a dollar!”

At this point I am barely containing myself but I cannot move my feet. I was glued to the concrete where I stood–watching.

“What!?” Tee exclaims, “Give me a dollar! No, give me 500 dollars!”

“Lady you crazy!” Doo Rag guy shouts then exactly like before he continues down the sidewalk as if he had said nothing at all. As he passes me he bows chivalrously and continues on his merry way. I wait to laugh until I’m inside, in which my boss demands to know what is so funny. I had to wait for Tee to come in to explain as I was in no condition to describe what I had seen. I simply shook my head and made my way to the back so laugh in peace.

If you see this man, proceed with caution but also…have fun. He apparently is a man of humor and appreciates banter. I do not think this man is dangerous unless you have a heart condition.

Have any similar stories? Share in the comments.

Love always,




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