This morning I awoke to a brilliant sunny morning and I hated it. Why is the sun ALWAYS out? What ever happened to rainy winters? It’s still fall, but apart of me feels that the sky should be gray just on principle.
I also grabbed my custom London Fog mug I picked up in a pottery shop in Bristol this morning for my tea and I suddenly realized why I was so blue. For months I’ve been talking about going to London, and nothing here (other than my new job) has gone according to plan so I just don’t see why I’m still here. I find myself talking about England all the time, the weather, the people, the food…every thing! I to this day cannot believe that a city captured my heart the way London did. Now, even in Phoenix I feel lost, like I don’t belong.
I’ve been looking at grad programs in the UK but sadly most are research bases and I don’t do research. I’m a hands on learner. So I may have to settle for a US grad program and speed through it and just get a kick ass job in England somewhere. Mulan’s dad tells me that MI6 is hiring (LOL).
Everything about the UK has always fascinated me, and being able to go there and make friends was amazing. I really felt like I fit in there opposed to the country town I live in where everyone runs around in cowboy boots, saggy buckle jeans and a knock off Ralph Lauren shirts. (Seriously, that’s not even attractive at all!) There are many things I love about my home town[s], but sadly none of them felt me. I loved being in Phoenix, but it was too hot. I haven’t tried out Portland, Seattle, Boston or New York for very long but I definitely didn’t get the same vibes from any of those beautiful cities.
I know I ramble on about England a lot, and it’s because my heart aches for it. Yes, my family is here but the only times I remember ever being truly happy was when I was away on my own. When I was in Phoenix last summer, and in LA and then as I traveled in Europe I was, completely, irrecoverably and thoroughly happy. I was independent, walked everywhere, felt safe and I had my phone switched off to save battery for all the pictures I was taking and so it wouldn’t constantly try and use signal for things (international data is expensive!). The tube is dirty-but fantastic and I never ran out of things to do! Even in Phoenix there was always a cafe with live music, an art gallery or bookstore I could go browse. I was never bored. Here, my problem is that I come home, I bathe, then I watch Netflix/attempt to write then I go to bed. On days off I venture out to do things but I have to drive 45 mins each way.
Let’s face it. I wasn’t meant for the country. I need the city. I need London (or any similar suburb).
Can a single, young royal male read this and whisk me away? I don’t need much… just a small flat and wifi.
JK guys, I’ll get there on my own! There’s plenty of cyber jobs to be found. I may even break down and work for a private company or do forensic accounting. Who knows… the world is at my feet!