Spoonies on Twitter

Hello loves, how has your week been going? Small update: Internist called, they didn’t find anything out of the ordinary in any of my screens (go figure) so she is now getting me in with the Rheumatologist, which we already agreed on. We will see how that goes. In my entire journey with this whole chronic pain, illness mess I have yet to see a specialist. I was in college you see, so I was relying on the clinic and mobile doc to get me through the semester. Now I’m moving on to the big leagues.

Something that seems so weird to me is that my symptoms appeared to quickly. I’ve said it before but it’s crazy how you’re in perfect health for years then BHAM, you’re never well again. In college they could come and go, I would have weeks where I was symptom free and now I’m never symptom free. Everyday its something, today specifically I’m shaky, dizzy and achy. I’m attributing that to the fact that yesterday I couldn’t eat much due to nausea.

Anyways, enough complaining. You don’t read this blog to hear me complain about my sudden on set terminal illness no one can seem to agree on. (One doctor is convinced it’s fibro/CFS/Lupus, the other thinks is Rheumatoid Arthritis and a Thyroid condition) I wanted to share something with you.

I’ve noticed my mental health has been declining since Thanksgiving, so I’ve been reaching out on twitter. There’s loads of hashtags and groups for spoonies because after all we’re the only ones who really understand what it’s like. I had been on the look out for other spoonie blogs and instead stumbled across a pod caster known as Imagination Within. She’s absolutely adorable and British. Her voice reminds me of Jenny from Doctor Who. If you’re reading this Jem, I’m a total anglophile–I went to London, fell in love and wish I could live there–so I’m sorry.

She asked the twitter spoonie community if they could try anything, what would it be? I said hot yoga because it’s warming and relaxing. I’ve talked about the fibro massages before, the same lady does the hot yoga, only I have yet to attend a class because they’re in the mornings and I hate getting out of bed. But she mentioned my personal twitter in one of her pod casts, so I thought it only fair to return the favor.

But Jem talks about something very important in her pod casts. When I started this blog it was to spread love, well… now I’m spreading the spoonie love and so is she. She does what she does so other spoonies won’t feel alone. I enjoy listing to her pod casts in the mornings and she always makes me smile. I keep up with a lot of spoonies on social media commenting on tweets, pictures, and what not on my personal domains and I plan on sharing a few others with you as well. I don’t know if any fellow spoonies read this, but if you do–you are  not alone. Its okay to have low days, and it’s okay to take a day to just cry. Things don’t happen over night, this is a long journey and it sucks but we do have each other.

I love you all,

OXOXO

Kat.

Kat, the Horrible Blogger and Girlfriend

Hey there Love’s! How’s it going?

I’m doing a bit better than last week. I had a doctors appointment with a new Internist and I really think she’s going to turn things around for me. I slept for the first time in months thanks to some new meds and I’m hoping this round of steroids will reduce some of the inflammation in my back and hands so I can go back to work. Still finding it difficult to write, but I’m sleeping better so that’s something!!

I thought I’d talk a little about Mac today. He’s definitely not my normal type, and not just because he’s not and Alistair or Cullen lookalike. He’s sweet, a little gimpy but unbearably adorable. And just because I know you’ll all ask–he doesn’t have any tattoo’s, own a leather jacket or a motorcycle. And there is nothing wrong with that. Life often takes you by surprise and throws the most unlikely people across your path. He is however a volunteer firefighter and working on enlisting in the military. I didn’t know this when I met him either. What can I say? Can I pick em’ or what?

For the past year and a half since I stated this pitiful excuse for a blog I’ve been preaching self love and independence. And I still am. I refuse to be one of those girls who find a guy and stop everything, move in together, get married then spend the rest of my life with three kids regretting the fact that I never got my Masters degree.

Thankfully Mac is big on the whole ‘if you can dream it, do it’ thing, like me so we’re constantly encouraging each other to get out there and make shit happen. But it’s also been difficult for me because I’m not used to having anyone to worry about other than myself. Not that I don’t like having him in my life, because I do–but if I decide to make a last minute day trip to Queen City to see a friend and help her install her new video card and bake a cake on my only day off, I do it. I’m the type of person that tries to fit everyone into my life and I often fail to take care of myself, which is why my symptoms got so bad there for a while. I don’t make a habit of telling everyone where I’m at either, I just go, go, go. Sometimes I feel like I’m as good a girlfriend as I am a blogger, which is horrible. It’s okay, you can say it, don’t be shy. Kat is terrible at blogging, but we love her anyways because she’s cute and funny. 😉

Now, I feel a little guilty because I didn’t invite Mac or I didn’t ask him if he wanted to hang out. I feel like crap most of the time so we always end up spending our time together watching TV and having nap dates, so on the one day I felt well enough for a small adventure I didn’t spend it with him. He turned out to be sick so it worked out, but I still felt really bad. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I’m still getting used to being in a relationship, I’m horribly independent and the good thing is he isn’t frightened about that.

But on to how we met. Mac and I have only been dating since the middle of December. It’s the end of January now so it hasn’t been too long but I’m growing kind of attached. Remember L? She and I don’t really talk much any more for reasons unknown, but her fiancee is Mac’s roommate. I was invited to a bonfire, realized Mac was the guy who’s ID I had accidentally stolen at work, we laughed, talked video games then L gave him my number. During Thanksgiving when I was in Denver there was a small blow up because some other people were meddling and I was stressed out but it all turned out OK in the end. After that I took him out on a date (because I’m an independent and powerful woman) then he took me ice skating and BHAM! here we are.

I’m still learning how to be a ‘girlfriend’, I’m extremely homey and chill–but I’m working on it. Also, working on building up the courage to tell him when I don’t feel well. Sometimes I hurt so bad I can’t cuddle and with my hands as bad as they are now I can’t do a lot of things for myself anymore (like open medicine bottles or door knobs) but I don’t always tell him about it because I like cuddling and it makes him happy too. Also some other things we will have to discuss, but all in good time. I’m trying to go into this with open eyes and an open heart. I have a bad habit of pushing people, especially guys away when I get scared.

Like I said, there’s not a whole lot to tell but there you have it. Kat has a boyfriend. We’re the cutest little gamer couple you ever did see. I met his mom, he met my dad, I made him watch Firefly and he made me watch Sword Art Online. He plays Final Fantasy while I play Mass Effect. Only thing is he’s Xbox and I’m Playstation/PC. I’m also 100% sure I’m a bigger nerd than he is, but he didn’t run away screaming when I cussed someone out in Klingon at the movies or perfectly translated a T-shirt with an Elven phrase that made little sense. Who puts “Covo mir midir a linar” on a shirt? One it’s “Covo i midir a linar” and two it means “together we will eat and sing”… It was a DIY shirt but I’m fairly certain they had meant to put something entirely different. Still wasn’t as bad as the Dalish phrase I saw at Comic con last year. I mean, if you’re going put a Dalish phrase on a shirt, at least spell it right!” Sorry… nerd alert, I’m done.

Talk to you next week!! I’ll hopefully have an update and something super funny to talk about.

OXOXOX

Kat

Surprise! I’m alive–Just Barely.

Hello WildeKats, it’s been a while, a long while and I do apologize.

I do like to keep my personal life as private as possible but I feel i owe some people an explanation for dropping off the radar. I’ve mentioned before I’m a spoonie, struggling with CFS, Lupus and now possibly Fibromyalgia. Back in November I lost a family member dear to my heart. She had been struggling with cancer for a few years, but I don’t think any of us could really prepare for such an event.

I spent the Thanksgiving holidays with my family in Denver drinking tea and enjoying the last few warm days of the year. Upon my return to Texas I noticed a few symptoms had worsened. I have a high pain tolerance and I tend to compartmentalize a lot of things including some of my pain. While I was in Denver I stepped up and mothered those that needed comfort and saved my own grieving for midnight bowls of cereal (heartburn).

With my new job, which I still enjoy, I was too tired to do much of anything when I got home at night. My hands hurt more than normal and the pain had begun to creep up into my forearms. My back pain was more intense than usual and I was having a flare up at least once a week. I began searching for an Internist a while back with little luck so I also had a spout of depression. Then I also had my friends wedding to prepare for, being the Maid of Honor and all… so the last few months have been trying to say the least. For a while my hands hurt so bad I found it difficult to write or even play video games.

If you really wanna know what I’ve been doing, I’ve been binge watching Netflix and napping for the last month and a half between work shifts and doctors appointments. I was taken off one of my prescriptions and I feel somewhat better but now we’re considering some mild Chemo meds which is utterly terrifying. Not to mention my boyfriend doesn’t understand any of it and despite how sweet and patient he seems I can tell how frustrated he gets when we cant cuddle because I hurt that bad.

Wait. Pause and rewind.

Kat has a boyfriend? What happened to that single and proud business?

Yes, I have a boyfriend. It’s not a long story, but one better left for another post.

Bottom line is, I’m not dead. I just have limits and here lately social media has been the last thing on my mind. I still write when I can, but mostly I use the text to speech on my phone when I have major inspiration because here lately typing is just not an option.

Until next time, WildeKats.

I promise not to be gone for so long this time.

Love, Kat.