Good morning my loves!
It’s a nice rainy day here in East Texas. It stormed all night, and this morning as I looked out my window I was reminded of the blissful days I spent in the UK. I love the rain, I love cloudy, dreadful days. Don’t ask me why. I awoke today in a splendid mood despite how horrible I feel, so I figured this would be a good time to sit and write.
I’ve been thinking about this post for a while now. And Gem posted a podcast this morning on the same topic. You can listen to it here.
As a spoonie, you begin to realize who your real friends are. You notice people who find it hard to cope with your pain, or just don’t understand why you keep bailing and canceling on them. I’ve gone through this process with friends and family. There are people in my life that I’ve just had to let go of because either I disagreed with how they lived their life, we drifted apart for various reasons, or they constantly commented on my inability to keep plans. The group of friends I have now, Elsa, Mulan, Anita, Belle and Queenie as well as my life long bestie, C, are the people I rely on. They are very supportive and loving. They never make me feel guilty for cancelling or not wanting to do something because of the way I feel. These people are the first people I tell about everything! They were the first to know about my diagnosis and they’re also the people that made me go to the doctor in the first place. They say first hand how quickly I changed, how I was tired all the time and in pain.
My sisters, my parents, and my grandparents are amazing as well.
But it broke my heart to let go of some people. Mac was incredibly supportive but I he had his own issues with depression and anxiety. I would open up to him, but he never opened up to me. He and I agreed to call it quits because we weren’t what each other wanted in a relationship. L and I drifted apart. Not really sure why, but now as I see her on social media–I don’t see the girl who was determined to be my friend in Spanish that year. She simply stopped talking to me. And for a while I felt like it was my fault–for every relationship that I had let fall apart. But then I realized that letting go of the people who didn’t understand or who caused me anxiety is never a bad thing. As much as it pained me to let them go, I knew it was what I had to do for myself.
Unhealthy relationships don’t always happen with lovers, they can be friendships, family members, or coworkers. I love my job, but I have nightmares about certain events, I have panic attacks almost daily and I get dizzy because I stand most of the time. I made the decision to move away and start fresh in a bigger town because the opportunities were endless and that would put distance between me and people who constantly berate me for not wanting to be touched. Most of my family doesn’t even agree with my career choices. But the ones who are most important to me support my decisions even though they don’t like them.
These are the people you need in your life. Never ever feel guilty because you let go of a harmful relationship. You always need to put your and your body first. Stress has physical and emotional effects as well as anxiety and depression. I understand staying in a place because you have no other choice, but don’t make it your forever. Strive to grow, strive to move on. Work for that promotion, save up for that new apartment on the other side of town, and never quit looking for your dream job.
As a writer, when we weed out the bad things in a post, story, or novel we call this editing. There is such a thing as over editing, but having an extra set of eyes is always very helpful. Surround yourself with people who love you and support you so that when you need help weeding out those people and things that make you unhappy, they’ll be more than happy to lend a fresh perspective. Revise the list of people you keep close to you, edit out the people who bring you down and delete harmful things from your daily life. Once you make the major changes, then you can go back and add finishing touches and fine tune the punctuation. Your story is yours to write. No one ever gets it perfect on the first draft, but that’s what second and third drafts are for. If you don’t get it right the first time, try again. Just remember…
“Never compare your chapter one so someone else’s chapter twenty.” ~ unknown.
With love from,