Conversations with Video Game Characters Part 1 

So, I restarted the ME trilogy, you know, for kicks and giggles. I’m playing as a real paragon this time and everything–no more kicking mercs out the window for this Shepard–at least for now. 

Aside from the non stop working and apartment hunting, playing ME has been very therapeutic. Except for the part where I decided to play on insanity because I needed the challenge. I usually play on Veteran or Hardcore. But no, I kicked it up a notch and it took me an hour to get through the collector ship trap thing and since I’m a paragon I couldn’t tell the Illusive man how I really felt. But for the first time ever in all my playthroughs I kept both Miranda’s and Jack’s loyalty so there really is an upside to the chaos. 

Last night, during the adventure on the collector ship, I decided to take Grunt out of timeout. He had been very ugly on Illium but I needed a tank so naturally the Krogan was my first choice. And as usual he kept popping off morbid comments, here’s how the conversation went. Keep in mind this is a video game and he can’t hear me. 

We get off the shuttle and Grunt says: I’ve never seen ship like this before. 

Well no shit, you’re a tank grown baby Krogan. I’ve never seen a ship like this and I’m a seasoned N7 operative and a spectre. But I of course kept my mouth shut. 

Garrus: Looks like a giant hive, rachni maybe? 

EDI proceeds to tell us some techy information on the ships parameters and signature. Then tells us it’s the same ship that we saw on Horiozon. 

Shepard: Maybe the defence towers softened it for the Turians. 

Grunt: Maybe the missing humans are here, or maybe their dead. 

Me: Shut up Grunt, remember what we talked about? 

We find a damaged collector pod. 

Garrus: This is what the collectors used on Horizon, but these are empty. 

Grunt: *with a bit of smug glee* small, like my pod. I bet they begged for mercy. 

I glare, but keep myself from saying anything as we press on to find a pile of bodies. 

Garrus: this looks bad. 

Me: really? I had no idea. 

Grunt: That’s a lot of dead meat. 

Me: That’s is! Back to the ship! Do you know what happens to pre right of passage tank grown Krogans who disobey their space moms and pop of morbid comments like that? They go to the naughty corner. EDI send me someone else!

Of course you can’t do that right now so I mumble some choice words and tell Grunt he’s headed for the naughty corner when we get back. 

Some things were said about using the bodies for testing and how these ones obviously didn’t pass. We continue into a bigger area filled with pods. 

Garrus: They could take every human in the galaxy and still not have enough to fill these pods. 

Me:that’s a cheery thought. Thank you for that, Archangel: bringer of justice. What a lovely sentiment. 

The rest of our journey went a bit like this. Me, being horribly sassy when my companions make comments or do stupid things. Garrus died like a million times, Grunt kept walking in front of my shots and my game glitched and I got stuck ontop of some box thing. Needless to say I knocked the difficulty down to hard core for a bit after I kept dying. 

Last night was anything it therapeutic but it was funny to say the least. 

Yep. Don’t worry, Anita is worse. 

I Am Strong

So this week has been….well there are no words. I missed Krypticon because of some family drama and ended up taking some shifts at a family store so I wouldn’t have to be at home. Its been really hard mostly because I have come to a revelation.

I am scared of men.

My best friend in the whole wide world said something to me and she was completely right. My entire life, every man that I’m related to by blood has been very oppressive, manipulative, and just down right mean. Sometimes when your close to someone, it’s hard to see how bad someone has been treating you–or maybe you know and you just don’t want to believe it.

I’m not an abused person, but as I was thinking about it, I realized that C was right. I’ve only had three boyfriends in my entire life and in all three relationships I was so submissive and worried about what they wanted and not what I wanted. I’ve always been like that I guess, but its gotten to the point where I’ve had to leave work or public places because of panic attacks due to one text message. And I’ve been blaming it on the fibromyalgia and autoimmune stuff but now I’m really thinking there is an underlying issue. I’m in the process of moving away–which I think will alleviate most of these problems but I’m going to talk to my doctor again this week anyways.

C loves me to the moon and back and I love her even more, this girl had the next three  months planned out in like a millisecond as well as a plan B and C! Though, Anita and I are looking for apartments still, its nice to know I have C to stay with if I need to until then. And now that this issue is out in the open, I feel loads better. I have a plan, tomorrow I start making phone calls and hopefully by the end of the week I will no longer be in this crap town.

Allow me to quote Power Rangers “…how could such a small crap town cause me such misery?” This had literally been my life for 15 years. I was fine in Scottsdale, then my parents split and I was shipped off to back woods East Texas and the fecal matter hit the oscillator.

Did you guys know that the girl that played Kimberly in PR is playing Jasmine in the Disney live action Aladdin!? Or how about that BBC announced the 13th doctor and it’s Jodi Whittaker?? Oh man I’m so pumped… see I had been having such a great nerd day until a specific male someone blew up at me over a damn remote.

How dumb is that? You can’t find it? Okay, I’ll be home in an hour watch Netflix on your laptop and calm the fuck down. The sad thing is, I stood up for myself, I told them to chill and that this wasn’t worth getting so upset for then they proceeded to call me selfish. But I’m totes over it now, I had my mental break down, talked to my three best girls, I laughed, sent silly snap chats and now I’m blogging because I needed to say something.

Women are strong as hell. No man ever has to deal with the shit we go through. I don’t care if you’ve been in the military and have been over seas and seen some rough crap. That’s great and all, thank you, but let me tell you–women have been oppressed by men since the damn middle ages and it needs to fucking stop. Maybe not all women feel this way, maybe some women don’t care. But I care. My whole life has been run by men; my dad, my grandpa, my uncles, stepdad’s. Since the day I could talk I’ve had men telling me what I can and can’t do and it stops now.

I am strong. Just because I cry, or have anxiety attacks or use a blog to vent, I am strong. We need fear in our lives, without fear we wouldn’t know our limitations. We need hardships in our lives because without them we wouldn’t know what we’re capable of. I am capable of a hell of a lot more than this. And watch me prove it. I may not have the amazing job I want–yet. But I’m getting there. This is the first step right? Admitting it to myself?

I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, so the only way is up now, right?

I hope you all have an amazing week. Go out there and kick some ass for me, doing whatever it is that you do. I’m certainly not letting this week keep me down. Tomorrow is monday. And maybe it’s a whole new Kat.

OXOXOX

Kat

My Chronic Emergency Kit

If you have a chronic illness then you know what it’s like to be out and about, at a family gathering, or be at work and then BAHM your doubling over, writhing in pain or dizzy AF.  I’ve been there. I live a busy life that I refuse to give up. I’m constantly at cons, conventions, weddings, out with friends or with family. Im hardly ever at home, and when I am I’m usually binge watching or playing video games. The symptoms can be a real pain sometimes, not to mention a huge inconvience. When a flare hits out of no where I keep a few things on me to help me cope until I get home. 

Since its summer time and the next few weeks are going to be pretty busy I thought this was an appropriate topic. 

I don’t keep everything in a fancy hello kitty bag like my friend Gem does, but the bag doesn’t matter it’s what’s inside that counts. I keep an array of things in my emergency kit, and when I list them all you’ll probably be thinking ‘Kat, is all of that necessary? Carrying that much stuff is mental!” But yes, it is necessary. I never know where I’m going to be or what sort of symptoms I’ll have. Lupus is called the imitator disease, fibro is more than just a pain disorder and with RA comes fatigue. I have skin issues sometimes, dietary issues, random pain, I get dizzy, shaky, nauseous, and brain fog is my worst enemy. The things I carry are helpful medical wise but also comforting. I’m that girl who carries a small stuffed animal at all times when I’m by myself because I get panic attacks and I need something to cuddle. Everything you carry should be tailored to what helps you physically and mentally. 

For starters I carry bottles water, the small ones in case I need to swallow an emergency pill or something. I also keep fruit snacks in my purse, or crackers depending on where I’m going. Having a snack on hand can help blood sugar issues or keep you from being nauseous if you have to take meds that require being taken with food. I also keep benedryl, OTC pain, nausea and motion sickness meds in a small plastic baggy. Aside from basic spoonie essentials here’s a list of other items I keep on hand. 

  • Lavender oil- calming essential oil 
  • Peppermint oil- energizing and good for headaches/migraines
  • Small toothbrush and toothpaste in case of unplanned vomiting
  • Cocoa or shea butter
  • Sunscreen
  • Perfume
  • Sunglasses
  • Chapstick (or Vaseline. Vaseline has MANY uses) 
  • Wipes
  • Makeup wipes
  • Banana bag Oral Solution packets(here’s the link, these things are a LIFE SAVER) 
  • Gum (peppermint always)
  • One dose of each medicine in case I have to stay overnight unexpectedly in the hospital, a family member or a friends house. 
  • Extra hair ties
  • Humbled extracts pain butter? It may be calssified as a cream. Who knows. Their amazing, but icy hot or Bengay works too
  • Icy hot roller stick with lidocaine. 
  • Deodorant 
  • Hand sanitizer 
  • Small stuffed turtle/hippo (I change them out. But their basically beanie babies incase of panic attacks)

There’s probably more to that list that I’m forgetting, I told you, I carry A LOT of stuff. But I have too. I even keep a change of comfy clothes in my car. I just know how unpredictable life is, and how unpredictable my body is. I hate having to rely on others so I come prepared to EVERYTHING for any situation. I’ve always been the girl to have bobby pins, safety pins, double sided fashion tape, or extra everything because when I was in high school I would always forget something when I went on a trip. Now, I bring loads of small things so that I’m prepared for anything. 

I keep it all in a small clear plastic airline toiletries bag, most of what I carry is travel sized so it fits just fine. It’s a bit snug but better safe than sorry right?? I’m usually wearing my psi bands, but if I’m not then I toss them in my purse/bag; the same goes for all my braces. I have one for both knees and both wrists. On particularly hot days I swap my water out for pedialyte or Gatorade. 

You may not need all of this, maybe you’ll just benefit from emergency meds, an extra dose of every day meds, gum, and a snack. Or maybe you carry something I don’t! I’d love to hear what all my spoonie buddies keep on them in case of emergency flare ups!! But whatever you carry, it should be based on your needs and your preferences. Anita only carries meds and snacks where Elsa keeps her daily meds and a notebook on her. Everyone is different, everyone’s illness is different. I will say that carrying an emergency/survival kit no matter what your illness is a smart move. Even just keeping a slip of paper in your pocket or I’m a medical bracelet/necklace to let them know you have an illness, allergies or are on specific meds is a good idea in case of the worst case scenario. You never know what will happen and I feel less anxious leaving my house every day knowing I’m prepared and have contingency plans upon contingency plans. 

If you have any ideas, suggestions or carry something bizarre coment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have a great weekend my WildeKats! 

OXOXO 

Kat 

Summer Holiday and Wedding Looks

Hello Loves! 

It’s been a long week, but a good one I guess. First the Fourth of July then a wedding and today is my Papa’s birthday so I was up early ready to head to my hometown. 

I thought I would share some of my outfits from this week as an introduction to the post about my ‘Spoonie Emergency Kit’ that gets me through these hot(and cold) Southern days. 

I live in Texas unfortunately, so it’s pretty hot here–and humid. Having to be outside in the sun and the heat is awful in and of its self, add having a few chronic illnesses and you’re practically living a nightmare. But I have a few tricks up my sleeve, and a wardrobe that gets the job done. 

For the Fourth I opted for a crop top, shorts and a flannel. I knew I’d be outside most of the day and unable to lay down anywhere so I wore a crop top that doubles as a bra. Less layers, less sweat. I added a flannel so I’d have something to sit on if I needed to or something to cover my shoulders so I wouldn’t burn. I of course was lathered in baby sunscreen but the sun is brutal. As for my hair, well I’ll let you see for yourself. Enjoy this picture of me and Jar Jar Binks.  

Messy double buns with a red bandana. Oh, and my Star Wars Vans. I kept my makeup minimal, I used BB cream instead of foundation and neutral eyes with water proof mascara. The sun would give my cheeks a nice red tint so I skipped the blush and contoured my cheeks with bronze BB cream instead of my normal contour powder palate. 

After the Fourth it was time to head to San Antonio for Anita’s sisters’ wedding. We were invited to the bachelorette party which was at a gay bar where we enjoyed a drag show and some Karaoke. That night I was a little extra, I don’t get the opportunity to go out much mostly because I prefer to stay in and play video games on a Friday night. 

I will admit the leather skirt was not the best choice as I was sweating my non existent balls off, but damn did I feel fierce. I also wasn’t expecting the bar to be an outside bar. The shirt was a simple chiffon material that I got from a boutique some where, the same place the skirt was purchased. I wore my most comfortable (and my favourite) heels, did my full coverage makeup routine and added some touseled waves then hit the town! I didn’t wear any jewelry because after getting into that skirt and doing a full face of makeup I was lazy. But sometimes no jewelry can look classy too. Look at those roots, someone needs to get back to the beauty salon and get a touch up!! LOL. 

The wedding outfit was my favourite. I don’t usually wear bohemian style clothing, but it was the perfect style for an outdoor summer wedding. 

The skirt I purchased at that same boutique. It’s my absolute favourite! Or it was before it closed down, moved then got renamed. It still has some good pieces but it got a little too country chique for my tastes. The top was another gift I recently acquired, I was originally planning to wear it with some Levi cut offs but it ended up being a nice contrast to the skirt. I wore some nice jewelled sandals to complete the look, my hair was natural and pulled back into a half up fishtail braid and I went for a single gold choker necklace to complete the look. This coral dip hem skirt is one of my favourite pieces, I can style it so many different ways! I usually wear a loose white graphic tee with it to give it an edgy look, or a crop top for a casual summer look. I don’t do lace very often but I’m glad I did this weekend. 

On Wednesday I’ll put up the post about my ‘Spoonie Emergency Kit’ along with some ideas about how to choose what sort of things you should put in yours. 

I hope all of my US readers had a wonderful holiday and that my UK (and everywhere else) babes are enjoying their summers. I hear it’s pretty warm in England–stay cool and drink lots of water!! 

OXOXO

Kat