I Am Strong

So this week has been….well there are no words. I missed Krypticon because of some family drama and ended up taking some shifts at a family store so I wouldn’t have to be at home. Its been really hard mostly because I have come to a revelation.

I am scared of men.

My best friend in the whole wide world said something to me and she was completely right. My entire life, every man that I’m related to by blood has been very oppressive, manipulative, and just down right mean. Sometimes when your close to someone, it’s hard to see how bad someone has been treating you–or maybe you know and you just don’t want to believe it.

I’m not an abused person, but as I was thinking about it, I realized that C was right. I’ve only had three boyfriends in my entire life and in all three relationships I was so submissive and worried about what they wanted and not what I wanted. I’ve always been like that I guess, but its gotten to the point where I’ve had to leave work or public places because of panic attacks due to one text message. And I’ve been blaming it on the fibromyalgia and autoimmune stuff but now I’m really thinking there is an underlying issue. I’m in the process of moving away–which I think will alleviate most of these problems but I’m going to talk to my doctor again this week anyways.

C loves me to the moon and back and I love her even more, this girl had the next three  months planned out in like a millisecond as well as a plan B and C! Though, Anita and I are looking for apartments still, its nice to know I have C to stay with if I need to until then. And now that this issue is out in the open, I feel loads better. I have a plan, tomorrow I start making phone calls and hopefully by the end of the week I will no longer be in this crap town.

Allow me to quote Power Rangers “…how could such a small crap town cause me such misery?” This had literally been my life for 15 years. I was fine in Scottsdale, then my parents split and I was shipped off to back woods East Texas and the fecal matter hit the oscillator.

Did you guys know that the girl that played Kimberly in PR is playing Jasmine in the Disney live action Aladdin!? Or how about that BBC announced the 13th doctor and it’s Jodi Whittaker?? Oh man I’m so pumped… see I had been having such a great nerd day until a specific male someone blew up at me over a damn remote.

How dumb is that? You can’t find it? Okay, I’ll be home in an hour watch Netflix on your laptop and calm the fuck down. The sad thing is, I stood up for myself, I told them to chill and that this wasn’t worth getting so upset for then they proceeded to call me selfish. But I’m totes over it now, I had my mental break down, talked to my three best girls, I laughed, sent silly snap chats and now I’m blogging because I needed to say something.

Women are strong as hell. No man ever has to deal with the shit we go through. I don’t care if you’ve been in the military and have been over seas and seen some rough crap. That’s great and all, thank you, but let me tell you–women have been oppressed by men since the damn middle ages and it needs to fucking stop. Maybe not all women feel this way, maybe some women don’t care. But I care. My whole life has been run by men; my dad, my grandpa, my uncles, stepdad’s. Since the day I could talk I’ve had men telling me what I can and can’t do and it stops now.

I am strong. Just because I cry, or have anxiety attacks or use a blog to vent, I am strong. We need fear in our lives, without fear we wouldn’t know our limitations. We need hardships in our lives because without them we wouldn’t know what we’re capable of. I am capable of a hell of a lot more than this. And watch me prove it. I may not have the amazing job I want–yet. But I’m getting there. This is the first step right? Admitting it to myself?

I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, so the only way is up now, right?

I hope you all have an amazing week. Go out there and kick some ass for me, doing whatever it is that you do. I’m certainly not letting this week keep me down. Tomorrow is monday. And maybe it’s a whole new Kat.

OXOXOX

Kat

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6 thoughts on “I Am Strong

  1. Kat, hey girl im new to this and all, blogging i mean, but i can relate to you. I know how that feels and you dont deserve to feel like youve hit rock bottom. I hope that you always stand up for yourself, despite what a stupid man has to say about it, because soon enough standing up for yourself will be an instinct rather than a scary decision. and soon after that, men (or people in general) will see you stand up for yourself and youll start to see a difference in things and how you feel. I promise. I hope things get better for you, you deserve the world. i started my blog to dedicate it to helping people. so please if you feel you need anything feel free to reach out to me, xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • ❤️❤️ Thanks. Funny enough, I started my blog for pretty much the same reason. I didn’t want anyone to feel like they were unloved. I’m all about self love and self worth. I guess it’s just hard when you feel like your the only one who sees that, you know? But blogging also helps me process thoughts and feelings. It’s therapeutic for me and I just hope I can inspire someone else along the way. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think thats amazing, i guess were in the same boat! Im all about letting people know they shouldnt feel like the world is against them, even when i know its really hard to get out of that mindset. and to help others not to be afraid of becoming anything they want to. I think youre incredibly inspiring, youre doing amazing. It makes me so happy that you want to inspire others as well ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • You have such a beautiful soul. I can’t wait to read your future posts! It’s okay to not be ok sometimes. Showing weakness doesn’t make us weak, it makes us brave. And I want to say it to as many people as I can ❤️❤️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      • I agree with you 10000% Im so glad i found your blog and i cant wait to see what you post and how youre going to change lives of many people with your beautiful positive attitude, i know you will!

        Liked by 1 person

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