Rheum vs Rhuem & Me

 

I’ve been struggling to write this post for a couple of days now. But I just need to put this out there.¬† The last month has been so up and down I don’t really know where I stand anymore.

I’ve been ignoring some symptoms because I’m happy. Actually, genuinely happy. There’s a damn good reason for that and I’ve been keeping it secret. But that little tiny secret isn’t so secret anymore and I now have some serious decisions to make–health wise.

I’ve spent a lot of time in bed recently. Because I just… can’t. That means no blogging, no writing and no video games. I’ve completely abandoned Twitch for now (not like I got that into it to begin with) and cosplay has become a mere memory to me. I still have several projects I’m working on, but they’ve been pushed to the side because my hands just can’t handle it right now. As sad as that sounds–I’m not actually that upset about it.

I’ve spent a lot of time catching up on cartoons and anime. I’ve gone on some spur of the moment adventures with a certain someone whom you will learn more about in another post, and Anita and I have been trading off being sick and taking care of each other.

It’s actually really funny because we both thought we were taking care of the other one. I thought she was worse off than me, and she thought I was worse off than her. So we both thought the other one needed help than we did. We laughed about it when we realized it, and since then we’ve just been getting sick constantly. I’ve been to the ER with Anita twice. I probably should have gone to the ER several times but I’m stubborn and have severe PTSD when it comes to hospitals–so I tough it out till I can get a doctor on the phone then send Anita to the pharmacy for steroids and BP pills.

I guess I should explain…If you follow me on Insta then you know I’ve decided to take a step back from social media just until I get my health under control.

It really isn’t that bad. But it’s bad enough that I can’t ignore those symptoms any more just because I’m finally happy with my life.

But you all know I moved. And with moving comes the ever looming search for doctors close to me. I love my team in Shreveport. And if I’ve learned anything from this month its that I can’t rely on being able to get a hold of my rheum or internist over the phone three hours away. I need someone here. So I made a few appointments. And I went. And I almost died.

I got in with this rheum associated with a major hospital in Uptown Dallas. I was told by his entire staff that he was the sweetest man ever and he had all these good reviews on health grades.. so I was kind of excited. But I get there, I wait FOREVER only for him to tell me I don’t even have RA before he did any blood work or imaging. I understand my Rheum had to do an ultrasound just to see what little inflammation I had, but it’s there. And I’m one criteria away from a full on Lupus diagnosis from three different specialists. I’m sorry, but fibro does not explain the amount of joint pain, nausea, dizziness and rashes I’ve been getting and ignoring. But alas–he orders basic labs and gives me a prescription for cymbalta. I figure, what do I have to lose?

I didn’t start the medication till after Fan Expo, and boy am I glad I did. Within two days of taking only 30mg once a day at night before bed, I was so dizzy I couldn’t even see straight. But I had no one to cover my shifts so I went in to work anyways. I had zero balance, zero appetite, my blood pressure was sky high and I was shaky as hell. Tiana, Jett and even my boss were screaming at me to go to the ER but I figured it was the medication so I called the rhuem back.

No answer. I leave a message. Two days later I get a text from my pharmacy saying that they have a new script for me. The same medication. Lower dose.

They didn’t even call me back! All I said in the message was that I didn’t feel right and that the medication was making me really sick–but not sick to my stomach. I asked them to please call me back, I left my work and my personal number and nothing. So I call my rheum in Shreveport. I talk to my nurse. She gets me in in three days. Sure, I have to drive all the way to my dads at 10 pm after my shift. And go to Shreveport at 8 am the next morning–but it was worth it.

More imaging. More blood work. Immediate treatment for high blood pressure, steroids, topical anti inflammatory gel script and an angry phone call from my rheum to the Dallas rheum later–I was on my way back to DFW. It took a little longer for results to come back, and when my nurse called me yesterday, the news wasn’t what we had hoped. All of that pain wasn’t fibro. My RA is active again. Still have a negative ANA factor but I have three or four other things that point to lupus. The main one being that my joints don’t swell on the outside. We have a few more things to try before my rheum will make that decision but I just don’t see how that other rheum couldn’t just look at the ultrasound results in my file. I had them sent over.

All of that and my blood pressure was still super high for someone who sits in the low side of the spectrum to begin with. It’s finally normal now, I still have to monitor it and I go back next week for another check up and more lab work just to make sure there’s no inflammation in the chest area. I’ve been having some trouble breathing too.. but mostly when I get too riled up.

I’m still looking for a rheum here, and an internist. But in case of an emergency there’s a clinic down the road that will call my doctors in Shreveport. In the two hospital visits with Anita, I spoke to the ER docs and they both said the same thing. So for now… I’ll be ok. I have Anita and Jett watching me (which is embarrassing but sometimes it’s nice for someone to just be like–I know you’re lying. Sit the fuck down and drink this damnit!)

I don’t mean to worry anyone. But with all of that and I’m still working–I’m tired all the time. I did get addicted to FFXIV–Thanks Jett–so I’ll write about that and some other things too. I’m not just laying in bed in total misery all the time–but I am too tired to do much else right now. I think I just need a few weeks to adjust.

I love you guys. And I have some goodies to post that aren’t traditional blog posts ūüėČ #creativewriting

As always,

OXOXO

Kat

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Confessions of an Independent Nerd

Like always… It’s been a while.

Mostly because I didn’t know what to write about. And I’ve been so focused on my cosplay builds and my fan fic series that I just never stopped to blog.

But I am now.

So here we go.

I’ve never been one to ask for help. But the past few months, I’ve needed A LOT of it. Emotional support, financial support, help getting in and out of the bath tub (asking sisters for help does not count) and asking for advice. I’ve been so horribly independent since I was little that now asking for help almost feels like I’m failing. Money has always been something my family struggled with and I’ve always been so good at managing what I have, paying all my bills and budgeting for hobbies–like cosplay.

This month however, I just can’t seem to get a break. Between paying for impromptu doctor visits, insurance, and other living expenses I found myself berating myself for not being more responsible. And now I’m flaring more than normal, which is scary because that means my medications aren’t working any more.¬†It’s bad enough I had to give dance and all my other active hobbies. Now my ability to work is being threatened. I moved to get out from under my family. They’ve helped me so much in the past, without me asking for it and I told myself I needed to do this on my own. But my financial status is stressing Anita out now as well. And it’s not fair to her.

It all comes down to my day job. I love where I work and what I do. And since I’m used to working 2-3 jobs I just assumed I’d find a side job to work around my schedule. But that has not been the case. And I’m now forced to make the decision to either leave, or cut my hours and take a second job that may be too physically demanding. I don’t make much off my cosplay stuff right now. I don’t¬† have the follower base to be a brand ambassador just yet. I don’t even have a proper web cam to stream for twitch properly. If I take a second job that will take away the time I spend gaming and costuming. I’ll be too tired to commit time to my passion. And for my health reasons I can’t skimp on what little sleep I do get.

Suddenly, my life goals and dreams are crumbling right¬† before my eyes. Hopes of making it to Phoenix Comic Con and the Star Trek convention are fading. Those were marketing opportunities–not going could be just as harmful as risking it all and going. If I stop cosplaying and gaming all together I’ll be miserable.

What. Was. I. Going. To. Do?

First off. I need to speak to my boss. With it being a holiday weekend, that can’t happen till Monday. Then I need to reschedule appointments. Search the job market. Talk to my doctor on the phone about treatment options.¬†It’s going to work out. I told myself

I found several job postings for over night sedentary opportunities. Full time jobs that I qualify for should I decide to leave my current position all together. I’m still a barista at heart, so there’s always a Starbucks hiring. I have options. I just don’t want to change my primary work schedule. But, I have to learn to stick up for myself more. It’s one thing to defend a friend or walk away when you¬†know something isn’t right for you. But to leave a place your happy with or even ask for fewer hours or different shifts… I feel like I’d be a disappointment.

Yes, yes. That’s my anxiety talking. But that doesn’t make it any easier to make a decision.

My dad told me I hadn’t been ready to move out. And maybe he was right. But I had to take that first step. I knew it was going to be hard. I just hadn’t been expecting to feel like such a failure. I’m not just failing my employer, I’m failing my roommate. My¬†person. I talk to her about everything and now I feel like she low key resents me for not being more responsible.

My fatal flaw: I’m too fucking loyal.

This company¬†raised me. They taught me what it meant to be a good worker. They introduced me to the corporate world. Sure, I’m in retail. But I spend a good three months at their corporate office in my home town getting them caught up on paper work. I learned so much about what it meant to run a company. How even the little positions matter and how important it was to be committed to a cause. How can I just up and quit?

I know what your thinking: Kat, ask for a raise. Or Kat, ask for a promotion! But that’s not how this company works. Getting promoted means getting my own store. And as much as I love this company, I have no intentions of being in retail forever. I’m not even qualified to be assistant manager. That requires a completely different set of skills that I just don’t have. I’m the community outreach director. I run our stores social media page. I go out and talk to new foster agencies, coordinate events, keep customers informed. I close the store as well most nights too as I am the on duty manager when my boss isn’t there. But the only opportunity for advancement is back at the corporate office and Scottsdale is just not where I wanna be right now. Maybe one day. But not right now. I’m happy here, in DFW.

So. You see my dilemma?

Things will work out. I’m not anything if not optimistic. I’m that person who will have her cake and eat it too, if its the last thing I do.

I’ll try and keep you all updated on my progress. I still plan on uploading WIP’s and walk troughs for my current projects. Once I get my RA back under control I’m sure I’ll deal with all of this in a professional, adult, graceful manner. For now, I’m binge eating chips-ahoy cookies and watching Fairy Tail [again] so that I might have an excuse to be a blubbery mess.

See you guys at Dallas Fan Expo next weekend!!!

Who’s going?

OXOXO

Kat

Things Will Get Better, They Always Do

I’m not going to lie, this week has been hard. I wasn’t expecting finally moving out to be easy, and I’m writing this as a testament to myself. Things will get better, in fact they already have. And I’m thoroughly convinced that the small breakdown I had on Wednesday was a result of poor sleep, stress and an overload of anxiety. Aside for normal human anxieties such as work, money, social life things, I have other anxieties. Insurance, medical bills, doctors, new symptoms.

When I was sixteen, I had a short but severe scare thanks to a rare strand of meningitis. I’m fairy certain I’ve spoke about it before, but it was that week at church camp that changed my entire life. Since then, I’ve been lethargic, randomly depressed, had limited mobility and horrible tummy issues. Recently I’ve begun to feel that way again and it’s started impacting my cosplays. I’m too tired to think so there’s no way in hell that I could concentrate on sewing or crafting, I’d sew a finger or botch a breastplate, better not to risk it. I’ve had severe headaches, not migraines, but pressure headaches that form at the base of my neck¬†and make it hard to move my head. Just like when I was fifteen. Some things happened in my familial life, and my insurance is liable to be dropped–no big, I can get insurance no prob–but seeing as I just moved and my doctors are three hours away now, I feel a bit stranded.

There’s no confirmation I’ll loose insurance, but I’m worried out it mostly because my medication is very expensive and policies with pharmaceutical coverage are hella expensive. I’m 24 so I can’t rely on my parents to help me find a policy and because of the whole chronic illness thing, young adult policies don’t offer enough coverage. So, lots of things to consider so I’ve been trying to cope with these new symptoms on my own. My coworkers don’t really understand, so it makes it hard at work when I don’t feel well. Nothing new really, but I have been looking for other work that is easier on me mentally, not just physically.

I want so much to spend my free time doing make up tests and ribbon piping blazers for Japanese school girl looks. I have photographers wanting to work together, hot props on the way and opportunities for paid twitch sponsorship. And what do I do with my free time? Replay Mass Effect and binge watch old television. Seriously, this very moment I’m writing to you from my battle/workstation and I’m watching Castle on my second screen.

I have plans for these fun original make up looks inspired my my coveted dream wardrobe, but here I am: Saturday morning–instead of sleeping in or working on cosplay, I started at season one, episode one. I wrote a book, I should be editing, looking for agents, drawing cosplay designs, ANYTHING. But no, my fragile psyche only wants to binge watch and ignore my problems. They’re not really problems, but seeing as I’m ignoring them–that is a problem.

I’ve got a ton of fun things planned in the next few weeks, so I’m hoping I feel better¬† by then. I look forward to sharing all those fun things with you guys! Thanks to tea and my wonderful roomie, I should be back to my old self in no time. Have no fear, I don’t plan to stop writing or stop cosplaying, it just may take me some time to get back to work. Still adjusting to my work schedule and the people there. It’s the same company, but each location is run so differently I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. But that’s probably just my anxiety talking. Blogging about these things not only helps me cope, but it also brings awareness to these things. I can’t tell you how many times people tell me how much the appreciate me talking about my illnesses.

So many people don’t know about Chronic Illness, and so many others know about them, but don’t know about them. They don’t see how it affects the people who suffer, how hard every day life is. I’m lucky to be where I am in my illness journey, relatively healthy, active, able to work and symptoms manages pretty well. Others struggle more than me, roommate included. But I want other’s to know there’s a light some where down their tunnel of life. Somewhere, even if it’s not total relief–someone somewhere understands. That person is me.

Feel free to comment, email me, or even message me on social media. My accounts are listed somewhere on here LOL. I’m seriously thinking about dedicating a day each month to send out encouraging messages to those who need it. If you’d like one, let me know. Things to make me smile, and also those who need some love and encouragement.

I love you guys, so very much.

OXOXO

Kat

Two Spoonies Make A Move

As you guys know, I’ve been trying to move for quite some time. Every teen dreams of going off to the big city, getting away from family to have the freedom to do whatever it is they wish.

Well, I did just that. Only I’m a little late. I just turned 24 and I finally moved out of my dad’s place. I had been fully prepared to do so right out of college, but that’s when I fell ill. My dad being a medic and knowing more about my disease than I did, it wasn’t practical to move off before I had a handle on it. Now that I’m ten times healthier than I was a year ago, Anita and I finally did the thing.

The first two weeks were a struggle. Our bodies were tired and sore. We didn’t have our dishes or comfort nerd accents. She and I both work five days a week, sometimes I work seven. That seven day workweek sent me into a horrible all illness flare, Anita hurt her back bringing a chair up the stairs then Texas got a random hard freeze. We were living off of paper plates and mattresses on the floor. Not that we were complaining, we both were (and still are) completely elated. Anita and I now have our gaming stations set up, we have a tea pot, bean bags and a beautiful Christmas light covered shelf for all things nerdy. Also, we have wifi and you know what they say: Home is where the WIFI is.

The move its self wasn’t very eventful. My job expected me to start within a week of getting the apartment. My birthday was that weekend and I already had plans, plus I do not own a truck. After the initial freak out about how I was going to get my stuff to our new apartment two and half hours from my previous one, the excitement set in. I was finally moving. I needed to pack. I needed things. I needed to find photographers, fabric stores, a new desk. I also had to give a one week notice to my barista job. Yeah, you said it. CRAP.

But my amazing friends came to the rescue. My manager sent in for a transfer in case I wanted a second job. My sister helped me pack up all my costumes and a coworker offered to help me move, his truck was tiny but it was bigger than my hatchback. He came and loaded my mattresses, shelving, TV and filing cabinets. I transported all my cosplay things and clothes (because I have priorities). And we set off. Anita met us there, we unloaded. I unpacked then we all went for Ramen.

The allure of a city I once despised held so many new opportunities for me. Cosplay events, better materials, photographers, cons, you name it! I’ve always been a city girl. Born in a small town, moved to Phoenix, then dragged back to Texas as anger tore my little family apart. I crave excitement, hoards of people to get lost in, shopping centers, the sound of planes landing and taking off overhead, and the constant white noise of tires on the freeway. Not to mention the endless comic events, nerd gatherings and women only bar crawls. (Hey, I’m adult, don’t judge me.)

Anita and I are bound to struggle, in fact I’m struggling now. The first few months are bound to be some of the hardest months of our lives as we budget, meet new people and argue with apartment staff.¬† My new job started me in the middle of a pay period and as payment due dates creep up, I know I can’t cover them all. But I have faith I will work everything out. I’ve got my hands in so many little paying gigs, I can’t let the stress get to me. I have an amazing support system back home and even here. Anita’s family has been beyond helpful. Especially when it comes to laundry day. (We’re still looking for a washer/dryer unit)

That’s enough rambling for now. I’ll check back in soon with a few cosplay updates. I’m finally ribbon piping my blazer for Human Carla! Also, I’m redoing my DA costume. With a sewing machine this time, it shouldn’t take me as long as the first one did. Fingers crossed!

As always,

OXOXO

Kat

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

Ok, we were laughing not crying. Well, I was crying–but only because it hurt to laugh as hard as we did.

As you (may or may not) know, I’m a barista and I FUCKING love it. Completely tossed my degree out the window for chocolate covered happiness for the time being. No, I’m serious. I’m always covered in chocolate.

As horrible as today was, all we could do was laugh. K spilled milk every where, twice, we ran out of milk (not because K spilled it though) and I had a screaming match with our chocolate pump. And coincidentally it did scream back, or more like exploded back.

Let me explain.

For several days now, the nozzle on our chocolate jug has been spurting or not spurting at all. It doesn’t just come out like it’s comrades, Caramel, White Chocolate and Pumpkin Spice. Sugar Free Mocha doesn’t come out hardly at all, but no one uses him so no one cares what he does or does not do. No, Dark Chocolate had to rip its little rubber piece and begin to squirt his contents out like a clogged water hose. You know how it comes out two ways, and goes everywhere but where it shouldn’t? Yeah, he’s been doing that for days. But today, Dark Chocolate decided to spurt three ways then cease to spurt at all despite the fact that he had just been refilled. Dark Chocolate also has a tendency to hoard Chocolate around the top half of the jug instead of falling to the bottom like any other chocolate hug would do. I tried to blame the cold weather, but I think he just has an attitude problem.

Dirty words in Klingon were said.

So K and I replaced his pump. Mind you, we forgot the spring so there was no was no spurting for a good twenty minutes while we pondered what we forgot. But once we put the spring in, he began to spurt like normal for all of ten minutes. Yay us.

By this time I had refilled him again so naturally, being the queen of messes (among other things) I was covered in chocolate–again.

Then the mid day rush hits.

We run out of milk. I tell a manager. I get yelled to. So I run away and start giving skinny lattes to everyone. (America could stand to loose an extra pound or two, no?) I’m wearing my trusty N7 pin on my apron–I GOT THIS!

That is until K knocks over our LAST cup of fat free milk and douses my super cute grey suede boots.

This is where the laughing till we cry part happens. I wish I had a picture of K’s sad, sad face as he watched our last cup of milk spread across the tiled floor.

It’s insanely busy. We’re out of milk, I’m covered in chocolate and now fat free milk and K is wearing an inappropriate deer bow tie. (Two deers humping each other under Xmas trees. Icing on the fucking cake right there my friends.)

We switch to half n half. Who doesn’t love extra creamy Hot Chocolates?

My wet hands dive into the espresso bag in a desperate attempt to pull four shots at once. Now there are espresso grinds every where. I spill bits of hot coffee on my fingers. Run out of red sprinkles for our Unicorn Special and make all the little children cry. (Not really.)

Then a steam pitcher jumps from K’s hand, does a nose dive to the floor and douses my boots–yet again–in dairy products.

So much for vegan shoes.

We laugh more. A manager comes over to see what the commotion is about. More laughing happens as K begins to frantically mop up his spilled milk so that B can’t see the seven health code violations behind the counter. (Having spray sanitiser solution on the counter is a violation btw, but were rebels.)

We then spend the next hour sliding through the cafe, entertaining our guests as they order coffee and receive a free comedy show.

Never ever a dull moment at work these days, especially when K and I are on the same shift.

Happy Boxing Day everyone. May next year be calmer.

Jk. If my life was calm I’d be in a coma.

OXOXO

Kat

The Cosplay Whip

As some of you may know, I’ve recently begun to cosplay seriously. My next major con is PAX south and the cosplay crunch has begun. What’s worse… the Christmas Crunch has begun as well. I still have my day jobs because I’m a workaholic and am deathly loyal to my companies. Quitting is not an option. I need help.

It’s been a whirlwind since my sewing machine broke, the holiday hours began and not to mention Anita and I are still apartment hunting. One day, ONE DAY, we will find the perfect complex with a bottom floor, two bedroom, two bath suite that is kitty friendly. One day I tell you!

Moving on.

I still have several posts about Fan Days to post, but I haven’t received all the pictures I requested back or permission to feature some people in the post. You know me, miss pre law has to do things the right way. Also, did I mention the Cosplay crunch?

Some changes have been made to the PAX line up since the sewing machine fiasco. It’s stopped picking up the bottom thread, and the top thread tangles up and it’s just one big mess. I have one more place to take it for repairs before I toss it and invest in a new one. Who needs finger tips anyways? #handsewing

One thing I did want to talk about was why I began cosplaying. I guess I’ve always been doing it to a point. I was in Theater in both middle and high school working on sets and in the costume department. I learned makeup techniques and how to sew 30 BUSTLES IN ONE WEEK. Lots of blood and tears went into Tom

Jones, let me tell you. I was that kid in the Ewok suit with a stuffed Ton-Ton at every Star Wars premier, I was alive for, my Halloween costumes were always pop culture related and I lived in my pink power ranger suit for three years. But once I got to high school and people began to tease me for it, I let that part of my life slip away. Until I got to college that is. Being an adult means no one can tell you not to spend your entire pay check on con tickets or a Wookiee onesie. And being a college student means certainly no one will judge you for wearing said onesie to study sessions in the library.

I’ve had some set backs with my RA and Lupus recently that resulted in me being unable to work for two months, and during those two months Anita refused to let me sit around.

I found that crafting helped me keep my mind focused but was also relaxing and even helped keep my hands limber and loose. Sometimes is extremely hard, but that feeling when you finish something–even if it’s not what you imagined–is a great feeling.

I modelled some costumes for a few friends, reconnected with my old Theater teacher and even helped my sisters Theater group make some last minute costumes for a production. The more time I spent doing something I loved and seeing how positively people reacted to my work was exhilarating. It made me realise that I had been compromising for the last two years, picking a profession I was good at and that paid well, but wasn’t exciting enough for me.

Cosplay can (and will) take me back to the UK, back to my home town for a con and even to Japan and Bangkok to see Mulan! (Remember my friends who picked princess code names? Well M went home last summer and invited me to her home for a week! There’s an anime gathering in the area around the same time too! (Anyone wanna teach me Thai?) If it happens at all.

I’ve made so many new friends in just the last few months that I know will be long lasting friendships for life! I’m planning on doing a group cosplay with three other cosplayers next year for Akon (keep your fingers crossed) and even flying back to London for a Doctor Who gathering! None of this would have been possible if I didn’t believe in my self, my skills and commit to something I loved. I love to talk to people, make friends, make costumes and travel.

I’ve even received offers for game sponsorships on my twitch page (which has three followers at the moment) from some friends I made at a RPG shop. I’m even the official DM for a D&D campaign that meets in my cafe.

All the things I got teased in high school for loving are going to take me everywhere I’ve ever wanted to go. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to be painful, but I’m in for the long haul.

Since making this decision even my doctors have noticed I’m different. They were able to cut back on my methotrexate (which was making me incredibly nauseous and I was loosing too much weight) and I’m happy to say I’m stable and eating two squares a day. I tend to skip breakfast (mostly because I over sleep) but being able to keep my family’s cooking down for the holidays will certainly be a good thing, no?

I’ve rattled on long enough. I just wanted you all to know I’m the opposite of dead. I am very much alive and even though I spend a lot of time crying, I’m sleep deprived and over caffeinated (I’m a barista, what do you expect?), I’m happy, stable and on the road to healthy. Even made a friend who’s a physical trainer and he designed me a bar workout regimen to get my abs back and maybe even get me dancing again!

The morale of this story is: do. what you love. Make friends and make it happen for yourself. You deserve to be happy. Having a chronic illness doesn’t make you any less of a person, in fact I believe this makes you more of a person. You are a warrior. Fight for yourself. And fight for your life.

As always

OXOXO

Kat.

The Flare Up Blues

So, I’ve been absent–but I’ve always been spotty about blogging. Seriously, I’m the worst blogger ever. And I own it. 

But it’s been different lately, and not in a good way. For a while I was happy, in a good mood, not in too much pain, I even went back to work! But I’ve been having this month long flare and it just keeps getting worse. I don’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t even game. I’ve been at work sitting in pain or at home lying in pain. 

I’m not one to complain but I’m scared and confused. First off, I don’t know when I should call a doctor, I don’t even know which doctor to go to! Internist? Rheumatologist? Physical Therapist? Neurologist? I have so many and I don’t even know if they can help me.  I’ve been dying to go back on infusions but I don’t wanna be dependent on them. I’ve been exircising, walking, stretching, going to pool therapy and water aerobics (in moderation of course) but it’s not getting any better. We even doubled all my meds and nothing. If anything it’s worse. 

I’m still in a good mood of course, that’s in my nature when I’m around friends and family but I’m tired.

I’m well aware this is common and a million Spoonie’s every where deal with this… but it’s fucking hard! I’ve put a hold on everything for now because I just can’t do it. I still have to work so it’s gonna be a long couple of weeks. Plus with the hurricane bringing rain in I doubt I’ll have any relief. Had to have help getting dressed this morning. It’s a big kick in the but when you have trouble doing even the littlest things. 

I’ll be ok. I’m always ok. I always have a smile and I’ll never give up. Just promise me you’ll never give up, ok? Well fight for us together. (That was totally a Skillet quote.) 

I love you all 

OXOXO 

Kat