When Did I Grow Up? 

My youngest sister prank called me today. And it wasn’t anything major she just kept saying “I love you!” 

But she didn’t sound the same on the phone and I was at work so I kept asking for a name. When she finally told me who she was I told her prank calls weren’t cool. 

How lame could I be? 

It wasn’t that long ago that I was in HS and making prank calls with C at 11 at night. We had one lady going for hours about how we were two British sisters in the states for school but we were trying to phone home for our Aunt Petunia. To this day I will never know if she caught on and played along or if we really had convinced her. 

It didn’t take me long to figure out who was calling me and why–but I still asked her if she needed anything because I am that lame. I could have played along–I used to when I was in college. People would prank call me and I’d put on an accent and run circles around them. 

Now I’m asking myself: when the hell did I become an adult? 

I’m not an adult. I suck at adulting. I’m really just this lucky 23 year old who’s running around the states bumping into people, making friends and getting herself into precarious and sometimes amazing situations. I can’t even remember how old I am sometimes. Seriously, someone asked me my age last week and I literally had to do the math…on my phone… Also, I forget that I can go into the liquor store and buy my own liquor. I’m constantly trying to con my older friends to buy me stuff and they’re always like “Kat, your 23. Go buy it yourself!” And when I do, I still feel like I’m breaking the law or something. 

I’m pretty hopeless as an adult. I just tell myself I know what I’m doing. But I don’t. Anita and I have a plan, and so far it’s working but there’s still plenty of time for the Dallas ship to capsize and leave us in the dusty East Texas waters. 

But seriously. Where do you draw the line between bumbling college kid to responsible adult? Now that I think about it, even with all this chronic illness crap I’m still pretty independent. But I’ve always been that way so I don’t think that makes me anymore or less an adult than I was in high school. 

Just yesterday I was talking with a girl I went to HS with and it’s been over five years since we graduated! Where the frack did the time go!?  I ran into her while I was taking care of adultish things in my home town. I look so different now I’m surprised she even recognised me. I’ve seen loads of people I knew in HS and they never recognise me untill I tell them my name. Now some of these people were ugly as all get out to me in those days. But Ash wasn’t like that. And towards the end of senior year I’m pretty sure I was the borderline bully as I was so fed up with how those people treated me. 

But it’s all water under the bridge now. I probably won’t go to my reunion, or maybe I will, but I still can’t believe how time flies.  

Maybe there’s isn’t a definite point in your life that you cross that defines you as an adult. 

I can be a fully functioning adult who plays a lot of video games, cosplays and has cool toys right? Ok. Well it’s what I’m telling myself.

Have a good weekend my loves 

OXOXO 

Kat 

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Conversations with Video Game Characters Part 1 

So, I restarted the ME trilogy, you know, for kicks and giggles. I’m playing as a real paragon this time and everything–no more kicking mercs out the window for this Shepard–at least for now. 

Aside from the non stop working and apartment hunting, playing ME has been very therapeutic. Except for the part where I decided to play on insanity because I needed the challenge. I usually play on Veteran or Hardcore. But no, I kicked it up a notch and it took me an hour to get through the collector ship trap thing and since I’m a paragon I couldn’t tell the Illusive man how I really felt. But for the first time ever in all my playthroughs I kept both Miranda’s and Jack’s loyalty so there really is an upside to the chaos. 

Last night, during the adventure on the collector ship, I decided to take Grunt out of timeout. He had been very ugly on Illium but I needed a tank so naturally the Krogan was my first choice. And as usual he kept popping off morbid comments, here’s how the conversation went. Keep in mind this is a video game and he can’t hear me. 

We get off the shuttle and Grunt says: I’ve never seen ship like this before. 

Well no shit, you’re a tank grown baby Krogan. I’ve never seen a ship like this and I’m a seasoned N7 operative and a spectre. But I of course kept my mouth shut. 

Garrus: Looks like a giant hive, rachni maybe? 

EDI proceeds to tell us some techy information on the ships parameters and signature. Then tells us it’s the same ship that we saw on Horiozon. 

Shepard: Maybe the defence towers softened it for the Turians. 

Grunt: Maybe the missing humans are here, or maybe their dead. 

Me: Shut up Grunt, remember what we talked about? 

We find a damaged collector pod. 

Garrus: This is what the collectors used on Horizon, but these are empty. 

Grunt: *with a bit of smug glee* small, like my pod. I bet they begged for mercy. 

I glare, but keep myself from saying anything as we press on to find a pile of bodies. 

Garrus: this looks bad. 

Me: really? I had no idea. 

Grunt: That’s a lot of dead meat. 

Me: That’s is! Back to the ship! Do you know what happens to pre right of passage tank grown Krogans who disobey their space moms and pop of morbid comments like that? They go to the naughty corner. EDI send me someone else!

Of course you can’t do that right now so I mumble some choice words and tell Grunt he’s headed for the naughty corner when we get back. 

Some things were said about using the bodies for testing and how these ones obviously didn’t pass. We continue into a bigger area filled with pods. 

Garrus: They could take every human in the galaxy and still not have enough to fill these pods. 

Me:that’s a cheery thought. Thank you for that, Archangel: bringer of justice. What a lovely sentiment. 

The rest of our journey went a bit like this. Me, being horribly sassy when my companions make comments or do stupid things. Garrus died like a million times, Grunt kept walking in front of my shots and my game glitched and I got stuck ontop of some box thing. Needless to say I knocked the difficulty down to hard core for a bit after I kept dying. 

Last night was anything it therapeutic but it was funny to say the least. 

Yep. Don’t worry, Anita is worse. 

I Am Strong

So this week has been….well there are no words. I missed Krypticon because of some family drama and ended up taking some shifts at a family store so I wouldn’t have to be at home. Its been really hard mostly because I have come to a revelation.

I am scared of men.

My best friend in the whole wide world said something to me and she was completely right. My entire life, every man that I’m related to by blood has been very oppressive, manipulative, and just down right mean. Sometimes when your close to someone, it’s hard to see how bad someone has been treating you–or maybe you know and you just don’t want to believe it.

I’m not an abused person, but as I was thinking about it, I realized that C was right. I’ve only had three boyfriends in my entire life and in all three relationships I was so submissive and worried about what they wanted and not what I wanted. I’ve always been like that I guess, but its gotten to the point where I’ve had to leave work or public places because of panic attacks due to one text message. And I’ve been blaming it on the fibromyalgia and autoimmune stuff but now I’m really thinking there is an underlying issue. I’m in the process of moving away–which I think will alleviate most of these problems but I’m going to talk to my doctor again this week anyways.

C loves me to the moon and back and I love her even more, this girl had the next three  months planned out in like a millisecond as well as a plan B and C! Though, Anita and I are looking for apartments still, its nice to know I have C to stay with if I need to until then. And now that this issue is out in the open, I feel loads better. I have a plan, tomorrow I start making phone calls and hopefully by the end of the week I will no longer be in this crap town.

Allow me to quote Power Rangers “…how could such a small crap town cause me such misery?” This had literally been my life for 15 years. I was fine in Scottsdale, then my parents split and I was shipped off to back woods East Texas and the fecal matter hit the oscillator.

Did you guys know that the girl that played Kimberly in PR is playing Jasmine in the Disney live action Aladdin!? Or how about that BBC announced the 13th doctor and it’s Jodi Whittaker?? Oh man I’m so pumped… see I had been having such a great nerd day until a specific male someone blew up at me over a damn remote.

How dumb is that? You can’t find it? Okay, I’ll be home in an hour watch Netflix on your laptop and calm the fuck down. The sad thing is, I stood up for myself, I told them to chill and that this wasn’t worth getting so upset for then they proceeded to call me selfish. But I’m totes over it now, I had my mental break down, talked to my three best girls, I laughed, sent silly snap chats and now I’m blogging because I needed to say something.

Women are strong as hell. No man ever has to deal with the shit we go through. I don’t care if you’ve been in the military and have been over seas and seen some rough crap. That’s great and all, thank you, but let me tell you–women have been oppressed by men since the damn middle ages and it needs to fucking stop. Maybe not all women feel this way, maybe some women don’t care. But I care. My whole life has been run by men; my dad, my grandpa, my uncles, stepdad’s. Since the day I could talk I’ve had men telling me what I can and can’t do and it stops now.

I am strong. Just because I cry, or have anxiety attacks or use a blog to vent, I am strong. We need fear in our lives, without fear we wouldn’t know our limitations. We need hardships in our lives because without them we wouldn’t know what we’re capable of. I am capable of a hell of a lot more than this. And watch me prove it. I may not have the amazing job I want–yet. But I’m getting there. This is the first step right? Admitting it to myself?

I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, so the only way is up now, right?

I hope you all have an amazing week. Go out there and kick some ass for me, doing whatever it is that you do. I’m certainly not letting this week keep me down. Tomorrow is monday. And maybe it’s a whole new Kat.

OXOXOX

Kat

Why I Like the Power Rangers

We all have that one thing that we love that we tell NO ONE about. It’s our guilt pleasure, the thing we watch in secret on Saturday Nights when we’re not out with our friends. For me, that was the power rangers. All through out high school I tried to conform–we all did. High school isn’t a place where we bloom in adversity. We’re convinced that we need to be like everyone else to fit in, be popular, or just stay out of the resident bully’s radar. 

So we hide everything about ourselves that makes us different thinking that will make things better. 

Well it doesn’t. 

In fact it’s those tiny little things you hide from everyone else that makes you beautiful. Whether it’s how smart you are, how much you love classical music, or how insanely obsessed with comic books. It’s those tiny little things that make you a who you are. 

For me, I was obsessed with the Power Rangers. I used to watch them with my cousin when I was young. We would spend every weekend together and wake up early on Saturdays to catch the two MMP episodes. Sure, super heros were amazing but my heart was with the band of hearty teenagers with attitude. 

Why you ask? It’s because every other Super hero story out there was about a person, an adult, who either was zapped by some weird science thing or some sort of alien. Maybe they were insanely rich and had a lot of baggage. 

It’s not often there’s a good super hero story out there that revolves around teenager who have to save the world AND go through puberty. I mean, puberty is hard enough. Try adding puddys, Goldar, monsters and aliens to the mix. Oh–and forget Lord Zed and Rita! 

I’ve always loved superhero everything because it made me feel like I could be anything. But the power rangers inspired to be a better person. No matter who I was, super hero or concerned citizen, it was always important to focus on being the best version of you. 

 Every season of Power Rangers there is, from MMP to Samuri–it inspires kids to be the best version of themselves. I haven’t watched the newer ones so I don’t know if there’s any out there other than LSR and Time Force that have adult protagonists. Unless you count Zeo and Turbo. But those characters were Power Rangers in high school and were so bad ass that they remained Power Rangers even after they became adults. 

There’s these kids that a friend of mine works with. He’s a counsellor for kids with Autism. Let me tell you, thu eat up anything and everything about the Power Rangers. They always talk about how when they grow up they wanna be smart like Billy or strong like Jason and Tommy. It makes me so unbelievably happy. 

And now there’s a movie!! I know it flopped but I was the first person in line at the movie theatre the day it opened and I bought the Blue Ray the day it hit the shelves. This show , this franchise, has always been an inspiration to me. If you’ve hear me talk about my little Tv show that I write for my friends, you should know it was inspired by the Power Rangers. 

The characters struggle with everyday things, fights with friends, depression, the fear of not being good enough, being bullied, even family issues. How close the teams are, how they love each other and how they forgive each other is how kids should be. Friendship is a gift we all take for granted. It’s a beautiful gem that needs to be cherished and how often to we as kids or even adults throw it away for a mean comment or the next big trend? How often to we let friendships fade because we hate confrontation or we’re so focused on how many likes on Insta we get? Or maybe it’s the new boy/girl in town. 

Let me tell you something. Those teens from Angel Grove wouldn’t have let that happen. In fact I’m pretty sure Tommy tried to kill his friends and they still forgave him. All I’m saying is that the Power Rangers are very good role models for kids. They come in every size, shape, form and fashion. They’re accepting, forgiving, compassionate and let’s not forget they all studied together. I like to think that I turned out the way I did because of what I didn’t watch as a child. I’m glad my parents wouldn’t let me watch certain cartoons or play certain video games. When I look back on my child hood, I wanted to be a Power Ranger so bad that I spent every waking minute I could out side training, fighting bad guys, or exploring. And I rubbed off on my sisters because they did the same thing. Just not as good as me. :p 

Just kidding. They’re amazing. And they’re the light of my life. I didn’t realise I wrote so much. Good golly guys…ok I’m going to go binge watch something now. 

Enjoy the rest of your week. 

OXOXOX 

Love, 

Kat

Things Are Happening…Finally! 

Hey everyone! I wanted to wait to post about the amazing things that are happening until AFTER they happened. 

I have been running into quite the road block lately when it comes to my writing. I’ve been looking into making writing a career. Something I can do from home because sometimes(okay most of the time) it’s insanely hard for me to leave my apartment. Whether it’s due to fatigue or pain, I’m getting to where I just… can’t. And as much as I’d like to have a career as a video game tester, I’m putting my faith into something I know for sure I can be successful at. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll live my days out in my dream nerd cave testing video games for cryptic, BIOWARE, and Nintendo. Until then, I think I’ll stick to writing. 

I seriously lack a portfolio. I keep getting asked to link to articles I’ve written… but I haven’t written any of note except for the things I did in college on assignment. I was seriously depressed because I do not wanna be forced back into customer service–it’s just to painful. Then my grandma gave me an inspired idea. She reminded me that we have family friends that work for local newspapers. 

I reached out to one and she told me that she would be more than happy to help me build a portfolio! I am so blessed and thankful. Currently I am working on a feature piece about a company dedicated to improving the lives of local students. I officially have my first deadline. 

The past few months have been trying to say the least. I’m struggling to figure out what I need to be doing with my life. I have so many hobbies I’d love to make my career but I’m also very logical and know that I will have to make sacrifices and compromises. I refuse to be unhappy in whatever I do. I’ve been unhappy for far too long and now that I’ve made decisions, I’m the better for it.  

I’d love to be employed by a company that caters to those with chronic illnesses. Maybe one day I’ll write for a chronic illness magazine or online blog. I have a law background but being a lawyer is stressful and I’m full up on stress for now. I’m so grateful to have found the spoonie commmunity, if it wasn’t for them in not sure where I’d be. Whatever comes, I am determined to make my passion my career. 

Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend my WildeKats here in the states. And as for my UK followers–you all keep on keeping on. Have lots of tea for me ❤️ 

OXOXO

Kat

Spoonie In Distress

WildeKats, I desperately need your help.

As you know, someone mentioned starting a fashion series for my blog. But as I’ve been working on posts, taking pictures and tossing around names for the series because ‘Spoonie Fashion” is BORING.

What about starting a second blog? I don’t want to neglect Perfectly Wilde but I feel launching a series might steer the blog away from its original purpose.

What are your thoughts? Do you manage multiple blogs? If so, how? Or do you think it would be better to just keep one and do a series?

OXOXOX

Kat

New Series: Spoonie Fashion

Hello WildeKats!!

I’ve been working on something very exciting. I’ve also been playing video games…but you probably already knew that didn’t you? Still trying to finish Andromeda, but Apollo has been a bit distracting lately…I think he’s jealous of Corvinus. Every time I sit down to play Andromeda, I hear FemShep calling to me from the living room. I finally got a proper desk chair and my new cooling system to work so Apollo has been running like a charm all week. Not sure how long it will last, God’s tend to be a bit on the moody side but I shall enjoy my few days off with him.

Any who, on to my exciting news!!

I’ve been asked to start a fashion segment. I’ve been twirling this idea around in my head for quite sometime. I have a post on my daily beauty regimen and another for tips and tricks but I never considered myself to be, for lack of a better term, fashion forward.

We all like to look our best, and we all have a style. Mine rotates between hipster/boho on my good days to grunge/badass when I’m pissed or not feeling well. I also have sworn off jeans–traditional jeans–that is. I’m a jegging girl all the way.

The only reason I even considered this is because I am a spoonie. Now, for all you fashionista’s that come across this, a spoonie is someone who has a chronic illness. These illnesses include but are not limited to lyme disease, chrons disease, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus and even some mental illnesses. I personally battle CFS, fibro, and RA on a daily basis. These illnesses make even the simplest tasks difficult, so fashion isn’t something most of us are concerned about.

As a toddler I was a pagent girl, a dancer in my school years and a cheerleader. I even modeled competitively when I was in JR High. I have been trained to always look my best when I leave the house because you never know who you might run into. Fashion is a coping mechanism for me, if I’m confident in my outfit somehow–even on a flare day–I still feel accomplished and beautiful.

As spoonies, our lives are riddled with pain, constant doctor’s appointments, sleepless nights and rough mornings–but that doesn’t mean we have to look as rough as we feel.

I shall call this series Spoonie Fashion (unless I come up with a better title) and I will share all my tricks to look good despite the pain. Some days you just can’t. But if you’re like me–a spoonie who refuses to let your illnesses get the better of you, check in every once in a while for my comfortable spoonie outfits and must have pieces.

I will apologize in advance though, as my photography skills aren’t the best and I have yet to befriend a true artist. Until that day, ignore the awkward mirror selfies.

First post will be up soon.

What are you’re thoughts? Are you a spoonie with a passion for fashion? What are your tricks to looking your best on flare day? Comment below!

Until next time,

OXOXO

Kat