My BIOWARE Heartbreaks

This is a post I’ve been needing to post for a while. I held off though until I at least played through the first two Mass Effect games so I could feel some Shepard feels too.


It was bad enough having to pick between Hawke and Alistair in the fade, accidentally letting Alistair die in my first Origin’s play through because I didn’t do Morrigan’s ritual and having to murder Carth because he thought I went to the dark side. Now that I’m finished with ME2 I’ve lost Kaiden(my Carth 2.0), Jack, Grunt, Legion and Mordin! No one told me I needed to spend endless hours upgrading my ship and amour or all my faves would DIE! Where are my gamer friends. huh? WHERE ARE YOU?

After my first two play throughs for KOTOR I learned my lesson and managed to save both Carth and Bastilla. I followed a walk through for KOTOR 2 so I wouldn’t loose anyone and make good choices and I’ve done fairly well in Old Republic though I haven’t gotten too far into the main story line–so many side quests! I tried to trick Malak into thinking I would join him again so I could stab him in the back because he’s a freaking turd blossom and then Carth is just like “I trusted you! How could you!” and leaves me on the Leviathan then shows up on the star forge. Bastilla was all like “I’ll kill him for you,” but no, I tried SO HARD to make things right but I had to kill him. I KILLED HIM. I also was playing with a mod so of course when I tried to play the game again I ended up killing Bastilla and both myself and Carth died. I tend to walk the line between good and evil–I do not think that was a good choice.

When I picked up Dragon age I never thought I’d fall so hard–not after KOTOR–but I did. Kat fell HARD. Then I was so wrapped up in keeping Alistair and Lelianna happy, Sten and Morrigan hated me in the end. I never even got Sten’s personal quest. *sobs* Also, because I’m a naturally salty person I picked dialogue options that reflected my personality and became quite the violent little warden. I didn’t even let Alistair kill Logain, I wanted the glory ALL TO MYSELF. And because of my pride, my sweet Alistair died. HE FUCKING DIED. That was three hours of my life that I spent replaying the end of the game to fix my mistakes.

Let’s not even discuss when Isabelle left me in Kirkwall in DA2. I really thought we were getting along then I get this little letter that broke my heart! Then there was the whole Anders and Fenris thing. I didn’t mean to let them both fall in love with me, it just sort of happened. They fought the whole game, then when Fenris left me Anders stepped in with his incredibly charming self and well I’m sure you can guess how Fenris felt about that. That took a lot of reloading to fix that fuck up.

AND THEN I spent 100+ hours on Inquisition, make it to Trespasser after everything that happened in the Fade (Hake is alive dammit, she is one scrappy MoFo) AND FUCKING SOLAS. Like here I am dying while running through these mirror things, my companions are flipping out because I’m crying out in pain all the time but I refuse to go back and there he is in his wolfy get up looking all sad and innocent. I’m SO glad I didn’t romance him.. this is why I play as a human the first time. The look on Cullen’s face was heartbreaking when I fell over in our new war room, then Dorian had to go on and keep telling me to “hold on” like the dear friend he is. It was one heartbreaking scenario after another.

So I decide to play Mass Effect. Everything is going good. Because Carth Onasi’s voice actor was Kaiden’s voice actor I romanced him, we had a wonderful cut scene and I kicked some major ass. I mean, I had to choose Kaiden or Ashley that one time, but Ashley got on my nerves so I wasn’t too upset about her dying. I used Spock logic and she died fighting, which is what she wanted. Mass Effect 2 gets downloaded the next day and I die twenty minutes in, break my entire crew’s heart then wake up two years later covered in scars with robots shooting at me. Not cool. I finally find Kaiden and HE LEAVES ME! But I have Garrus…so it’s okay, yea? NO, NOT OKAY! I have Kaiden’s picture on my desk… WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Like, I don’t even want to play ME3 because I know what happens (I read up on the game prior to buying it so I could decide to play renegade or paragon even though I still ended up being in the middle). But now I know what to do in my new ME2 playthrough to save EVERYONE in ME3.

Somehow I screwed up a conversation with Jack that I couldn’t rectify and she died because she wasn’t loyal to me no matter how hard I tried to make her like me again. No one told me Grunt would die if I had him lead the second team and poor Legion didn’t even make it off the Normandy 2. Mordin died on the way off the reaper ship which was just uncalled for, he’s too adorable for death! I’m playing ME2 again before I start ME3, I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try and save my crew.

BIOWARE what are you doing? Or more like, why are you doing this? My soul just can’t take it! Now you leave us in the dark about Andromeda AND DA4 with all of this heart break and disdain. Where do you get off breaking young girls hearts like that? As a writer, death makes for good stories but please leave that to J.K. Rowling and give someone a happy ending for Andraste’s sake! And please don’t make me kill anymore companions.You go through all of that trouble, make me love these characters then rip them from my life.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves. But then again you make fantastic games so I guess just keep doing what you do–just know that Kat is watching you.

Have any video game horror stories of your own? Comment below!



Adults Have Nightmares Too Right?

Here lately I have been hard at work. I won’t lie, I have two day jobs on top of being a terrible blogger and an aspiring author. Sadly, my two day jobs often take precedence as they are highly demanding and utterly stressful. Often when I get home at night I can’t do much more than sit in my tub and binge watch Netflix. It’s even hard to play video games now-a-days because I get too involved and stressed out while playing. Especially when I loose three beloved crew mates in one single quest (Mass Effect 2–BIOWARE I am on to you!).

When I was little I would have these nightmares where I would sleep walk and ‘search’ for my parents. I always had the same dream, it was so intense that now–20 years later–I can remember it like I had it last night. The world had been taken over by dinosaurs and I was lost, searching for my parents and running from dinosaurs.

Now, due to stress I suppose, I’m having nightmares again. They’re getting so bad my dad(who recently moved in with me)  has to wake me up like he used to when I was five. It’s quite ironic actually, usually I’m the one waking him up in the middle of the night. He sometimes has these PTSD nightmares or vivid dreams about a case he worked.

Luckily for me, my old roommate is a psych major with a concentration in dream stuff (there’s an official name but it has escaped me, mostly because I don’t really care). She finds it highly entertaining to hear about my dreams, they’re usually very imaginative and bizarre to say the least. Most of my writing is inspired by a dream I had at some point or another. My recent dreams however have been very frightening and she was kind enough to interpret them for me.

Mostly I dream of loosing one or both of my jobs, or that an agent tears up my manuscript and calls me names (childish I know). But I’ve had several about my mother dying or someone else I love–but never my dad. I’ve also had terrifying apocalyptic dreams that I shall not even begin to describe. I’m not scared of much but waking up alone in my dark cave alone is awful. I’m an adult, I shouldn’t be scared of a dream, right? WRONG, I’m terrified. Even broke out my old sleeping companion Simba seeing as my usual cuddle buddies went back to their native countries (I miss you Mulan!) or back to school. But who knows, maybe one of these dreams will inspire a whole new horror series. But for now I’ll stick to Discovering Sam 😉

What’s your most common nightmare? Ever use one to inspire a frightening piece?

Till next time,



The Traumatizing Disappearing Act of my Research Paper

Remember that 15 page research paper I kept procrastinating on? Well, I started it, almost finished it then I lost it. I have no idea where it went, one minute my computer was on and running fine, the next it wasn’t. My computer is set to auto save every three minutes, so I wasn’t too worried about my laptop’s sudden crash at the time. But when I boot the damned thing back up, my research paper is no where to be found.

My dad is somewhat of a computer genius and I’m not too far behind him when it comes to programming and computer code, so I know my way around a few things. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find my paper! I tried every back door, secret hidden file release and code I could think of to recover that document, but nope.

Funny thing is, it wasn’t just my research paper that went missing. Anything I saved to my C drive within the last three days is just GONE. My Dracula paper, my ropes course assignment worksheet, my Dragon Age save files, all of it… gone.

All of that happened at 9am this morning.

And instead of emailing the professor like any normal college student would do, I run to his office and have a melt down. I love writing papers, especially when I’m writing a kick ass research paper on Athenian Law in relation to the Oresteia and have all these bad ass sources such as Aristotle and Speeches from early court trials from the Council of Arepogus.  I needed him to know that this wasn’t me looking for an extension. I needed him to see the exhausted look of misery in my eyes.  All the English professors were around at the time, most importantly my favorite professor (We’ll call him Dr. Jones because he LOVES Indiana Jones), to witness my mental break down-but I didn’t care. He had to know this was really happening and it wasn’t my fault.

So, there I am wailing in my Ancient Lit professors office because my computer dumped my C drive or something and my paper is just gone. It’s due TODAY at 5 and because I had other things to do like class and work was no way in hell I could recreate that paper by the time it was due. If I had all day to sit and work on it, sure, I could spit out a half assed paper still worthy of a B. And because my professor had a heart (we call him the grammar Nazi, so this is sort of shocking) he gives me all the time I need to finish it because I basically have to start from scratch. This could also be because Dr. Jones looked just as upset as I was about this whole ordeal and Elsa was there giving him this look that said “Have mercy on her soul!” And because I’m a suck up/teachers pet/good student/ and insufferable know it all at times, I told him he would have the paper by the end of the day Tuesday.

Any who, whilst I’m sobbing, Dr. Jones, the grammar Nazi and my wonderful friend Elsa are stuffing me full of peanut butter cookies. Then my good friend whom we shall call Eskimo gave me a much needed bear hug after my research paper’s disappearing act.

So I guess today wasn’t terrible. I mean, I did my taxes, had this ceremony thing where I had to wear a dress and stand in the Texas heat for an hour and I finally got that Mommy hug I’ve been desperately needing for two weeks. And I had a ton of cookies… a TON of cookies. Seriously… I haven’t slept in like three days and in those three days I haven’t had anything but coffee, peanut butter, cereal and cookies. You should have seen me in the library last night  surrounded by huge tomes filled with Athenian Laws and Modern Judiciary practices. Just imagine a small, over caffeinated nerd in a plaid shirt running from white board to white board making time lines and organizing ideas. It got to the point where Eskimo had to sit me down and threaten to break into my apartment and overdose me on Benadryl if I didn’t sleep for at least five hours.

Welcome to college life. You think it’s bad now? Wait till finals week.

Only 21 days left… 21 DAYS. I can make it. I hope.

Wish me luck!