Things Will Get Better, They Always Do

I’m not going to lie, this week has been hard. I wasn’t expecting finally moving out to be easy, and I’m writing this as a testament to myself. Things will get better, in fact they already have. And I’m thoroughly convinced that the small breakdown I had on Wednesday was a result of poor sleep, stress and an overload of anxiety. Aside for normal human anxieties such as work, money, social life things, I have other anxieties. Insurance, medical bills, doctors, new symptoms.

When I was sixteen, I had a short but severe scare thanks to a rare strand of meningitis. I’m fairy certain I’ve spoke about it before, but it was that week at church camp that changed my entire life. Since then, I’ve been lethargic, randomly depressed, had limited mobility and horrible tummy issues. Recently I’ve begun to feel that way again and it’s started impacting my cosplays. I’m too tired to think so there’s no way in hell that I could concentrate on sewing or crafting, I’d sew a finger or botch a breastplate, better not to risk it. I’ve had severe headaches, not migraines, but pressure headaches that form at the base of my neck and make it hard to move my head. Just like when I was fifteen. Some things happened in my familial life, and my insurance is liable to be dropped–no big, I can get insurance no prob–but seeing as I just moved and my doctors are three hours away now, I feel a bit stranded.

There’s no confirmation I’ll loose insurance, but I’m worried out it mostly because my medication is very expensive and policies with pharmaceutical coverage are hella expensive. I’m 24 so I can’t rely on my parents to help me find a policy and because of the whole chronic illness thing, young adult policies don’t offer enough coverage. So, lots of things to consider so I’ve been trying to cope with these new symptoms on my own. My coworkers don’t really understand, so it makes it hard at work when I don’t feel well. Nothing new really, but I have been looking for other work that is easier on me mentally, not just physically.

I want so much to spend my free time doing make up tests and ribbon piping blazers for Japanese school girl looks. I have photographers wanting to work together, hot props on the way and opportunities for paid twitch sponsorship. And what do I do with my free time? Replay Mass Effect and binge watch old television. Seriously, this very moment I’m writing to you from my battle/workstation and I’m watching Castle on my second screen.

I have plans for these fun original make up looks inspired my my coveted dream wardrobe, but here I am: Saturday morning–instead of sleeping in or working on cosplay, I started at season one, episode one. I wrote a book, I should be editing, looking for agents, drawing cosplay designs, ANYTHING. But no, my fragile psyche only wants to binge watch and ignore my problems. They’re not really problems, but seeing as I’m ignoring them–that is a problem.

I’ve got a ton of fun things planned in the next few weeks, so I’m hoping I feel better  by then. I look forward to sharing all those fun things with you guys! Thanks to tea and my wonderful roomie, I should be back to my old self in no time. Have no fear, I don’t plan to stop writing or stop cosplaying, it just may take me some time to get back to work. Still adjusting to my work schedule and the people there. It’s the same company, but each location is run so differently I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. But that’s probably just my anxiety talking. Blogging about these things not only helps me cope, but it also brings awareness to these things. I can’t tell you how many times people tell me how much the appreciate me talking about my illnesses.

So many people don’t know about Chronic Illness, and so many others know about them, but don’t know about them. They don’t see how it affects the people who suffer, how hard every day life is. I’m lucky to be where I am in my illness journey, relatively healthy, active, able to work and symptoms manages pretty well. Others struggle more than me, roommate included. But I want other’s to know there’s a light some where down their tunnel of life. Somewhere, even if it’s not total relief–someone somewhere understands. That person is me.

Feel free to comment, email me, or even message me on social media. My accounts are listed somewhere on here LOL. I’m seriously thinking about dedicating a day each month to send out encouraging messages to those who need it. If you’d like one, let me know. Things to make me smile, and also those who need some love and encouragement.

I love you guys, so very much.




No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

Ok, we were laughing not crying. Well, I was crying–but only because it hurt to laugh as hard as we did.

As you (may or may not) know, I’m a barista and I FUCKING love it. Completely tossed my degree out the window for chocolate covered happiness for the time being. No, I’m serious. I’m always covered in chocolate.

As horrible as today was, all we could do was laugh. K spilled milk every where, twice, we ran out of milk (not because K spilled it though) and I had a screaming match with our chocolate pump. And coincidentally it did scream back, or more like exploded back.

Let me explain.

For several days now, the nozzle on our chocolate jug has been spurting or not spurting at all. It doesn’t just come out like it’s comrades, Caramel, White Chocolate and Pumpkin Spice. Sugar Free Mocha doesn’t come out hardly at all, but no one uses him so no one cares what he does or does not do. No, Dark Chocolate had to rip its little rubber piece and begin to squirt his contents out like a clogged water hose. You know how it comes out two ways, and goes everywhere but where it shouldn’t? Yeah, he’s been doing that for days. But today, Dark Chocolate decided to spurt three ways then cease to spurt at all despite the fact that he had just been refilled. Dark Chocolate also has a tendency to hoard Chocolate around the top half of the jug instead of falling to the bottom like any other chocolate hug would do. I tried to blame the cold weather, but I think he just has an attitude problem.

Dirty words in Klingon were said.

So K and I replaced his pump. Mind you, we forgot the spring so there was no was no spurting for a good twenty minutes while we pondered what we forgot. But once we put the spring in, he began to spurt like normal for all of ten minutes. Yay us.

By this time I had refilled him again so naturally, being the queen of messes (among other things) I was covered in chocolate–again.

Then the mid day rush hits.

We run out of milk. I tell a manager. I get yelled to. So I run away and start giving skinny lattes to everyone. (America could stand to loose an extra pound or two, no?) I’m wearing my trusty N7 pin on my apron–I GOT THIS!

That is until K knocks over our LAST cup of fat free milk and douses my super cute grey suede boots.

This is where the laughing till we cry part happens. I wish I had a picture of K’s sad, sad face as he watched our last cup of milk spread across the tiled floor.

It’s insanely busy. We’re out of milk, I’m covered in chocolate and now fat free milk and K is wearing an inappropriate deer bow tie. (Two deers humping each other under Xmas trees. Icing on the fucking cake right there my friends.)

We switch to half n half. Who doesn’t love extra creamy Hot Chocolates?

My wet hands dive into the espresso bag in a desperate attempt to pull four shots at once. Now there are espresso grinds every where. I spill bits of hot coffee on my fingers. Run out of red sprinkles for our Unicorn Special and make all the little children cry. (Not really.)

Then a steam pitcher jumps from K’s hand, does a nose dive to the floor and douses my boots–yet again–in dairy products.

So much for vegan shoes.

We laugh more. A manager comes over to see what the commotion is about. More laughing happens as K begins to frantically mop up his spilled milk so that B can’t see the seven health code violations behind the counter. (Having spray sanitiser solution on the counter is a violation btw, but were rebels.)

We then spend the next hour sliding through the cafe, entertaining our guests as they order coffee and receive a free comedy show.

Never ever a dull moment at work these days, especially when K and I are on the same shift.

Happy Boxing Day everyone. May next year be calmer.

Jk. If my life was calm I’d be in a coma.



The Flare Up Blues

So, I’ve been absent–but I’ve always been spotty about blogging. Seriously, I’m the worst blogger ever. And I own it. 

But it’s been different lately, and not in a good way. For a while I was happy, in a good mood, not in too much pain, I even went back to work! But I’ve been having this month long flare and it just keeps getting worse. I don’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t even game. I’ve been at work sitting in pain or at home lying in pain. 

I’m not one to complain but I’m scared and confused. First off, I don’t know when I should call a doctor, I don’t even know which doctor to go to! Internist? Rheumatologist? Physical Therapist? Neurologist? I have so many and I don’t even know if they can help me.  I’ve been dying to go back on infusions but I don’t wanna be dependent on them. I’ve been exircising, walking, stretching, going to pool therapy and water aerobics (in moderation of course) but it’s not getting any better. We even doubled all my meds and nothing. If anything it’s worse. 

I’m still in a good mood of course, that’s in my nature when I’m around friends and family but I’m tired.

I’m well aware this is common and a million Spoonie’s every where deal with this… but it’s fucking hard! I’ve put a hold on everything for now because I just can’t do it. I still have to work so it’s gonna be a long couple of weeks. Plus with the hurricane bringing rain in I doubt I’ll have any relief. Had to have help getting dressed this morning. It’s a big kick in the but when you have trouble doing even the littlest things. 

I’ll be ok. I’m always ok. I always have a smile and I’ll never give up. Just promise me you’ll never give up, ok? Well fight for us together. (That was totally a Skillet quote.) 

I love you all 



In a Cookie Cutter World, I’d be a Macaroon…

So. Queenie and I attempted to make macaroons…again. This time it actually worked out (if you over look the fact our macaroons weren’t the color they were supposed to be).

Ever since I spent time in London I have been dying to learn to make macaroons for myself because I live in the middle of no-where and trying to find good non-frozen macaroons in East Texas is like trying to find a rock star at a rodeo. It’s possible, but highly unlikely. I love, love, love macaroons. They’re not just a cookie; their colorful pieces of art–not just a cookie being extra. Each macaroon seems to have it’s own personality and flavor! I tried so many in London, I’m pretty sure I had macaroons almost every day I was there!

Living in Phoenix, I could order them from the bakery down the road from my villa, but out here, most people don’t even know what a macaroon is. And I say most because the bakers in my area know what they are but don’t know how to bake them. And even if they did, they still wouldn’t because no one around here eats them. But in Dallas I hear there’s a bakery that makes them from scratch, by hand everyday and the left overs get taken to the shelters and food kitchens. It may be just a rumor, but I intend to investigate every tea room and bakery I can find regardless.

As for baking them myself….

Our first attempt at French Macaroons ended with a kitchen covered in almond flower, a batch of hopeless crumbling cookie feet and two very sad small town, rookie bakers. This time, however we did our research, bought better ingredients and learned from our mistakes.

I knew the basics, like what it meant to have egg whites hold a peak and what the feet needed to look like. But I didn’t know what to do when the feet stuck to the wax paper, or that you’re supposed to drop the cookie sheet so the air bubbles move to the top. There’s all of these baking secrets that no one tells you so when your faced with the traumatizing issue of your beautiful double chocolate macaroon feet sticking to the wax paper you frantically toss them in the freezer hoping they’ll magically pop off like their supposed to.

Reality check: I have never gotten anything to not stick to the cookie sheet, wax paper or glass dish. Fortunately, this is the 21st century and we have google.

I’ll link the recipe we followed down below with the pictures I took of our adventure.

This time we opted for Italian Macaroons and not French Macaroons because the recipe was said to be fool proof. I read so many cooking/baking blogs that said it took them years to perfect the French Method. Well, I don’t have years. Anita and I move in less than a month and I need to have the macaroon recipe perfected for our Sunday Brunch/High tea dates out on the balcony.

We have it all planned out, I even picked out a bistro table!

Any ways, tip for making macaroons: pay attention to what side of the wax paper you put them on, buy a rubber template, and invest in gel food coloring if your not using the natural color. We wanted our vanilla macaroons to be purple so we mixed red and blue… some of the batches turned out to be an ugly grey color and we were sad. Also, if you’re a spoonie like me–get a mixer. All the hand beating and folding brought me to tears and Queenie had to take over because my hands were hurting so bad.

Also, even with all of our preparing, the feet still stuck to the wax paper. Here’s what we did:

We took the wax sheet with the feet on top and placed the sheet in warm water. We used a separate cookie sheet with warm water covering the bottom of the pan.

And for god sake whatever you do, DO NOT LET THE MACAROONS GET WET.

It’s not that hard to set the wax sheet ON TOP of the water, or at least it shouldn’t be. We however had tried to pry a few off with a spatula, so there were holes in the wax paper.*le sigh*

Once the paper sat there for a few minuets the feet popped off like they were supposed to! It was like magic! Only it wasn’t… it was an accumulation of college ingenuity and a lot of frantic googling.

We will be experimenting with flavors now that we have the basic recipe down. We made vanilla macaroons with a chocolate ganache (google that if you don’t know what it is) and they were AMAZING. Enjoy the pictures below of our Macaroon adventure part 2.

The Recipe:

Have a wonderful week WildeKats!



Summer Favorites 

Hello my beautiful WildeKats. It’s been a wild month for me, with some new symptoms popping up randomly and all the storms in my area I haven’t gotten much done creatively. But you all will be happy to know, I will be making an appearance at Crypticon in Kansas City as Black Canary ❤️ 

Now–I live in Texas unfortunately. And my family loves outdoor time. Being a spoonie and all I find it hard to participate in pool and lake days. But I am traveling to San Antonio for another wedding and we will be doing some activities on the river so I thought it would be appropriate to share some of my summer beauty necessities. I’ve talked about two of them before but they’re amazing products so you’ll see me rave about them again in the future. 

Summer means sun, sun means UV rays and aside from sunscreen (I use baby sunscreen) you’re beauty essentials need to pack a punch, literally. I am cursed with dry skin, so I generally go for moisturiser with UV protection all year around. Skin cancer is no joke and my family is prone to it, on both sides. *collective sigh* 

I usually go for PONDS but I sent my sister to the store for me and she brought me back an equate version of the same things, and honestly I see little difference. PONDS dry skin cream can be a little greasy, especially if you use it before you put makeup on. With the Equate version, it certainly looks like it would be greasy but it’s not. Once your skin absorbs the cream, that’s it. No grease, no shiny nose, no residue. I put it on in the mornings after I brush my teeth so it has ample time to absorb into my skin before a makeup routine. Which, during the summer I don’t use make up much. 

If you read my ghost hunt post, then you’ve heard me talk about Evian Mineral Water Mist. I know most of you are like, “Kat, you actually buy water in a spray bottle?” Well, yes, I do. This isn’t just water it’s spring water on steroids. No joke. I don’t know what Evian puts in this stuff but it’s amazing. I’m actually from Phoenix so I’m used to battling UV rays on a completely different level. This stuff isn’t just useful in the summer when you’re by the beach and you can feel your skin tightening up around your nose because is parched. This mineral mist is great for all year round-it refreshens makeup, is great as a pre primer moisturiser and the PERFECT secret weapon for looking like a model when you’re walking off a 14 hour flight from London (or wherever). I have used this stuff for years, and I usually keep a small bottle in my purse and beach bag. You can’t get the small ones from Sephora and Ulta, but the 10oz I order from Amazon bc I’m a prime babe. You can also get it from Ulta, they keep the 10oz on the shelf. 

Next is sea salt spray. Any kind will work, I like Not Your Mothers Beach Babe Texturizing Spray, but Bumble and Bumble is good and Nuetrogena has one from a reboot line. NYM has a great smell and I’m all about smell so naturally that’s the one I go for. It’s also readily available everywhere and I’m horrible lazy. You can spritz it on damp hair after the shower, a dip in the pool or the ocean. Or you can be like me and use it on air dried locks that have been in a loose braid all night. Like I said–I’m unbelievably lazy. This spray is my secret weapon. My hair is really fine so texture is nothing more than a day dream normally. Well not any more! Seriously, sea salt spray is the best. I’m actually gonna try the Nuetrogena one when I finish this bottle of NYM. I’ll be sure to post a reaction/review piece when I do. 

If you’re cursed with dry skin like me, then all hopes of rocking those hot AF lip sticks is just that–a hope. That is, if you’re not equipped with the right chap stick. I don’t wear lipstick much because of my perpetual dry lips, but NIVEA is slowly changing that for me. They have so many great options, everything from flavoured Vaseline to minty lip plumpers. I personally stick to the original smoothing formula. I slather it on with my primer and let it sit till I’m ready for lipstick at the end of my makeup routine. 

And last but certainly not least in my summer favourites list is sunglasses!!! Guys, I cannot stress how important a pair of sunglasses are for Spoonies. I don’t care what ails you, migraines, light sensitivity and sensory issues accompany just about every chronic illness to exist. I wear glasses so I order prescription sunglasses off line–pricey but I have to have them in order to drive. Sometimes I need them just to get through a work day bc the fluorescents are too much. But in the summer time when the sun is reflecting off the water, the glare is excruciating. If you don’t have a decent pair of UV refracting sunglasses you can kiss you’re relaxing day at the beach/lake/pool/river or wherever goodbye. I ordered the ones above from charming Charlie’s. These aren’t prescription but they’re just so damn cute! I only use my prescription ones to drive, so I have a plethora of trendy sunglasses to choose from for beach/lake days. 

There you have it WildeKats! These are my spoonie summer must haves. There are plenty more items that I keep on hand but these are the most important for summer fun! Have an amazing summer my loves. Rest up and have lots of gentle fun! 



Why I Like the Power Rangers

We all have that one thing that we love that we tell NO ONE about. It’s our guilt pleasure, the thing we watch in secret on Saturday Nights when we’re not out with our friends. For me, that was the power rangers. All through out high school I tried to conform–we all did. High school isn’t a place where we bloom in adversity. We’re convinced that we need to be like everyone else to fit in, be popular, or just stay out of the resident bully’s radar. 

So we hide everything about ourselves that makes us different thinking that will make things better. 

Well it doesn’t. 

In fact it’s those tiny little things you hide from everyone else that makes you beautiful. Whether it’s how smart you are, how much you love classical music, or how insanely obsessed with comic books. It’s those tiny little things that make you a who you are. 

For me, I was obsessed with the Power Rangers. I used to watch them with my cousin when I was young. We would spend every weekend together and wake up early on Saturdays to catch the two MMP episodes. Sure, super heros were amazing but my heart was with the band of hearty teenagers with attitude. 

Why you ask? It’s because every other Super hero story out there was about a person, an adult, who either was zapped by some weird science thing or some sort of alien. Maybe they were insanely rich and had a lot of baggage. 

It’s not often there’s a good super hero story out there that revolves around teenager who have to save the world AND go through puberty. I mean, puberty is hard enough. Try adding puddys, Goldar, monsters and aliens to the mix. Oh–and forget Lord Zed and Rita! 

I’ve always loved superhero everything because it made me feel like I could be anything. But the power rangers inspired to be a better person. No matter who I was, super hero or concerned citizen, it was always important to focus on being the best version of you. 

 Every season of Power Rangers there is, from MMP to Samuri–it inspires kids to be the best version of themselves. I haven’t watched the newer ones so I don’t know if there’s any out there other than LSR and Time Force that have adult protagonists. Unless you count Zeo and Turbo. But those characters were Power Rangers in high school and were so bad ass that they remained Power Rangers even after they became adults. 

There’s these kids that a friend of mine works with. He’s a counsellor for kids with Autism. Let me tell you, thu eat up anything and everything about the Power Rangers. They always talk about how when they grow up they wanna be smart like Billy or strong like Jason and Tommy. It makes me so unbelievably happy. 

And now there’s a movie!! I know it flopped but I was the first person in line at the movie theatre the day it opened and I bought the Blue Ray the day it hit the shelves. This show , this franchise, has always been an inspiration to me. If you’ve hear me talk about my little Tv show that I write for my friends, you should know it was inspired by the Power Rangers. 

The characters struggle with everyday things, fights with friends, depression, the fear of not being good enough, being bullied, even family issues. How close the teams are, how they love each other and how they forgive each other is how kids should be. Friendship is a gift we all take for granted. It’s a beautiful gem that needs to be cherished and how often to we as kids or even adults throw it away for a mean comment or the next big trend? How often to we let friendships fade because we hate confrontation or we’re so focused on how many likes on Insta we get? Or maybe it’s the new boy/girl in town. 

Let me tell you something. Those teens from Angel Grove wouldn’t have let that happen. In fact I’m pretty sure Tommy tried to kill his friends and they still forgave him. All I’m saying is that the Power Rangers are very good role models for kids. They come in every size, shape, form and fashion. They’re accepting, forgiving, compassionate and let’s not forget they all studied together. I like to think that I turned out the way I did because of what I didn’t watch as a child. I’m glad my parents wouldn’t let me watch certain cartoons or play certain video games. When I look back on my child hood, I wanted to be a Power Ranger so bad that I spent every waking minute I could out side training, fighting bad guys, or exploring. And I rubbed off on my sisters because they did the same thing. Just not as good as me. :p 

Just kidding. They’re amazing. And they’re the light of my life. I didn’t realise I wrote so much. Good golly guys…ok I’m going to go binge watch something now. 

Enjoy the rest of your week. 




What It’s Like Being a Writer

Hello everyone.

Today I’m going to tell you about how I constantly bring myself to tears and give myself panic attacks. I guess it’s not really my fault, but I created these characters and though they seemed to have taken on a life of their own I am their creator so any pain and hardship they encounter is ultimately my own doing, yes?

I’m definitely not a professional writer, though I would love to be. My one problem is that I have way to many projects going on at once. Some are personal, some are with friends, and others I created for this very blog. Sometimes my characters get angry with me and refuse to cooperate. Most writers associate this with writers block, but I however like to think that the characters in the stories I create just need some personal space and therefore refuse to ‘talk to me’ as my friend Queenie so brilliantly put it.

I suppose I should spend my down time reading but instead I watch a lot of netflix then while I’m driving I tend to have the apostrophes (that was a Hook reference) and get myself overly excited to begin writing again. Just this week, as I was trying to work on a very different blog post about a friends organized yet unorganized wedding I was struck with a brilliant idea to get my television series started again.

About a year ago, a friend from college approached me after reading a few documents I sent him. He said that the material was original, captivating and exciting but it wasn’t going anywhere. I had hundreds of scattered documents telling the stories of a series of characters I had created when I was in Jr. High that helped me cope with my parents divorce. He encouraged me to start their story from the beginning and so began the Anthrogean Chronicles. I put out chapters on our shared google drive folder that my friends referred to as episodes. And I’ve been writing them ever since. Currently I’m on season five and I had been stuck on a heart wrenching scene where my MC’s already broken heart was shattered once more.

I don’t want to spoil any details because I plan on releasing them maybe on this blog or Archive of Our Own as a Fan Fiction of sorts–but let me tell you I cried so hard. I was up till three A.M. bawling my eyes out as my MC’s heart was splayed out for everyone to see. I’ve tortured this girl, her, her friends and her family and it’s heartbreaking because I don’t know what will happen. I always say that they’ll get their happy ending but with the way things look now, the happy ending I originally planned doesn’t look so happy anymore.

This is what it’s like to be an author. The characters–these people–that I’ve created are like my children. I hurt when they hurt, I’m happy when they’re happy, and although I may know a few things they don’t I certainly don’t know what their future will hold. I’ve written many things, including a novel, and somehow nothing turns out quite like I had envisioned them too. I don’t know about any of the professional authors out there, but an outline is just that, it’s an outline. The future is always in flux, always in a constant state of change and that happy ending you planned for your characters could be ripped away with one quick flick of the wrist. One pull of a trigger or one wrong sentence and it could change their lives forever.

I’m under no impression that my characters are real, I’m not that crazy old bat from Nim’s Island, but I do feel what they feel. I’m there for every homicidal thought, tear of joy and heart shattering moment.

So you want to know why some authors are a little crazy? It’s because our over active imaginations keep us up at night. Our characters are constantly buzzing in the back of our minds, they’re in every cup of coffee and every flurried flight of our fingers over the keyboard. They are apart of us and we wouldn’t want it any other way. I even accidentally dress like one of my characters when I’m in a bad mood. Instead of my normal hipster vibe, I opt for a dark ensemble and my combat boots.

This is the power of writing. Words can inspire even the most stubborn of people to be better. Writing is an art and a good writer can not only weave words into a finely knitted novel, but they can weave themselves into your heart. Phrases from my favorite novels as a child still hover in my thoughts and encourage me to try harder, be better and live happier. A good author will embed words into the reader’s hearts, and that’s what I aim to do. I just hadn’t been aware that first I would embed the words into my own heart.

Last month I wrote this crazy piece about a girl who had amnesia and her best friend, who was secretly in love with her, refused to leave her alone. I made myself and my best friend cry so flipping hard. Honestly, if I didn’t write I wouldn’t even know what emotions were.

That’s what it’s like to be a writer. Even if no one else ever reads your work, you still created something beautiful and you should be proud of that.


Have a good weekend WildeKats,