What It’s Like Being a Writer

Hello everyone.

Today I’m going to tell you about how I constantly bring myself to tears and give myself panic attacks. I guess it’s not really my fault, but I created these characters and though they seemed to have taken on a life of their own I am their creator so any pain and hardship they encounter is ultimately my own doing, yes?

I’m definitely not a professional writer, though I would love to be. My one problem is that I have way to many projects going on at once. Some are personal, some are with friends, and others I created for this very blog. Sometimes my characters get angry with me and refuse to cooperate. Most writers associate this with writers block, but I however like to think that the characters in the stories I create just need some personal space and therefore refuse to ‘talk to me’ as my friend Queenie so brilliantly put it.

I suppose I should spend my down time reading but instead I watch a lot of netflix then while I’m driving I tend to have the apostrophes (that was a Hook reference) and get myself overly excited to begin writing again. Just this week, as I was trying to work on a very different blog post about a friends organized yet unorganized wedding I was struck with a brilliant idea to get my television series started again.

About a year ago, a friend from college approached me after reading a few documents I sent him. He said that the material was original, captivating and exciting but it wasn’t going anywhere. I had hundreds of scattered documents telling the stories of a series of characters I had created when I was in Jr. High that helped me cope with my parents divorce. He encouraged me to start their story from the beginning and so began the Anthrogean Chronicles. I put out chapters on our shared google drive folder that my friends referred to as episodes. And I’ve been writing them ever since. Currently I’m on season five and I had been stuck on a heart wrenching scene where my MC’s already broken heart was shattered once more.

I don’t want to spoil any details because I plan on releasing them maybe on this blog or Archive of Our Own as a Fan Fiction of sorts–but let me tell you I cried so hard. I was up till three A.M. bawling my eyes out as my MC’s heart was splayed out for everyone to see. I’ve tortured this girl, her, her friends and her family and it’s heartbreaking because I don’t know what will happen. I always say that they’ll get their happy ending but with the way things look now, the happy ending I originally planned doesn’t look so happy anymore.

This is what it’s like to be an author. The characters–these people–that I’ve created are like my children. I hurt when they hurt, I’m happy when they’re happy, and although I may know a few things they don’t I certainly don’t know what their future will hold. I’ve written many things, including a novel, and somehow nothing turns out quite like I had envisioned them too. I don’t know about any of the professional authors out there, but an outline is just that, it’s an outline. The future is always in flux, always in a constant state of change and that happy ending you planned for your characters could be ripped away with one quick flick of the wrist. One pull of a trigger or one wrong sentence and it could change their lives forever.

I’m under no impression that my characters are real, I’m not that crazy old bat from Nim’s Island, but I do feel what they feel. I’m there for every homicidal thought, tear of joy and heart shattering moment.

So you want to know why some authors are a little crazy? It’s because our over active imaginations keep us up at night. Our characters are constantly buzzing in the back of our minds, they’re in every cup of coffee and every flurried flight of our fingers over the keyboard. They are apart of us and we wouldn’t want it any other way. I even accidentally dress like one of my characters when I’m in a bad mood. Instead of my normal hipster vibe, I opt for a dark ensemble and my combat boots.

This is the power of writing. Words can inspire even the most stubborn of people to be better. Writing is an art and a good writer can not only weave words into a finely knitted novel, but they can weave themselves into your heart. Phrases from my favorite novels as a child still hover in my thoughts and encourage me to try harder, be better and live happier. A good author will embed words into the reader’s hearts, and that’s what I aim to do. I just hadn’t been aware that first I would embed the words into my own heart.

Last month I wrote this crazy piece about a girl who had amnesia and her best friend, who was secretly in love with her, refused to leave her alone. I made myself and my best friend cry so flipping hard. Honestly, if I didn’t write I wouldn’t even know what emotions were.

That’s what it’s like to be a writer. Even if no one else ever reads your work, you still created something beautiful and you should be proud of that.

 

Have a good weekend WildeKats,

OXOXO

Kat

Spoonie Hacks: Breast Lift Tape

Hello WildeKats!

This week has been a tad crazy. I was out of town apartment hunting for Anita and I’s big move. I did some fun things with some friends, but didn’t find the time to snap a picture of my outfits. Since I’ve been back, I haven’t left my couch and we’ve been having a pajama party at Kat’s apartment. But there is a specific beauty product I’ve been dying to talk about.

Breast Lift Tape.

You heard right. Tape that lifts the boobs.

I love this product so much because as someone who struggles with Fibromyalgia, I have days where even a t-shirt hurts. But because I am female and cursed with a large chest–I have to wear a bra, right? WRONG. It took me a while but I finally gave up on the bra franchise. I’m not completely bra free, but I have found ways around the big boob-nip issue.

The brand Hollywood Fashion Secrets offers a series of products from bra extenders, double sided fashion tape, to nipple covers. They have pasties, reusable silicone covers and best of all breast lift tape. I came across the brand while in Vegas. My aunt had bought me a killer dress for a concert but it was backless. Not to mention that after the previous day of shopping, walking the strip and a four hour high stakes poker game I was beyond exhausted and in pain everywhere. My aunt has Hashimotos so she understood some what. She encouraged me to just ditch the bra and be free as a bird. But as self conscious as I was back then I just couldn’t do it. The dress was a halter dress so I went to the store to buy gaffers tape and just tape my boobs like a Kardashian. I thank God everyday for the employee who stopped me and steered me towards the beauty section that day because taping your boobs sucks. I had done it several times before for galas, proms, dances and formal conferences. Add allodynia to the mix and peeling the tape off afterwards is torture.

Now, having discovered this fashion secret, if I’m wearing an outfit that requires a bra but I’m not in the mood(or the physical condition) to wear one, breast lift tape is there to save the day. CAUTION: this tape is VERY sticky. It took me a few uses to get the hang of it but it’s worth the money you pay for them. I buy them in bulk from Amazon because a package at your local drugstore is $10 for 4 pairs. You can buy them at $7 a package with free shipping on orders over $25.

If you play your cards right one pair may even last you two or three days. Most days I can’t stand in the shower, so I bathe. The tape isn’t exactly water proof but as long as your not soaking in the bath they will stick. I wore a pair for almost a week once. I was incredibly sick, but still had class and honestly I was so used to just going braless I forgot I had them on. I don’t recommend wearing them for that long because taking them off can be awful.

Here’s a link to the tape on amazon and here’s a link to a video showing you how to use them.

I’m a 34D, so unless I become rich and get a reduction I will never be able to join the totally braless band wagon–but there are ways around every problem. This is the perfect–and safest–way to get a comfortable lifted look without the discomfort of a bra. I know girls who bind or tape their boobs every day. That is incredibly unhealthy and painful.

I hope you all have a fabulous week!

OXOXO

Kat

The Surprise Ghost Hunt

It’s no secret that I’m a huge nerd. That means I was a straight A kid in High school, I have a profound love of reading everything and I actually wear the coveted big frame glasses because I need to see. Being a nerd entails just more than book smarts and button ups, I really like to learn–history especially. So when someone offers me a free ghost tour filled with rich history and terrifying local stories I couldn’t resist.

Anita and I were told that there would be multiple locations on this over night tour. Staying up all night isn’t ideal for two spoonies but we like to life life on the edge. We met on the square, and while we were waiting for the bus, we took a side trip into a fancy restaurant to use the bathroom before this over night tour. The very nice–and very cute–valet boys gave us stellar directions to the loo in the very beautiful marble embellished interior.

When the van arrived, we climbed in with six other strangers some of whom were cocoa for cocoa puffs, and set off to a home built in the 1800’s. The home had been used as a girls school, a boys school, a women seminary, a hospital during the civil war, and currently a working injury law office. As we exited the van Anita and I were given flashlights, a temperature gun, an EMF meter and a brief tour of the house that did not involve any history or encounter stories.

Thoroughly confused but fascinated with the beautiful house and its pre civil war crown molding, we went along with it. It was all fun and games until the tour guide turned the lights out and 16 year old Dan began asking the ‘boogers’ to leave him alone during an EVP session. Yeah, this stuff was for real and when the lights go out my anxiety kicks in because my vision is impaired and if something is going to attack me, I’d very much like to see it coming.

We did however go to a second location, a warehouse that served as a bar where a manikin supposedly moved during a tour earlier that night. Upon entering the warehouse, there was an archway that immediately made me feel uneasy. Don’t know why, don’t care. I took a lot of pictures, didn’t catch anything interesting but I’ll post them anyways. I could go on for hours about that night–but just know lots of creepy things happened that I cannot explain and nor do I want to try. Let’s just call it an experience and leave it at that. Anita spouted tons of scientific facts on the way home about your brain being deprived of stimulation and yadi-yadi-yada. But like I know what I heard and I know what I saw.

There’s certain equipment I’m not sure are entirely accurate but that rush of adrenaline when the hair on the back of your neck stand up is both exhilarating and terrifying.

 

As I said, not much to see, and I wish I had taken more pictures before the lights went out. Maybe I’ll get to go back one day–and I’ll be prepared this time. Ha! I definitely had fun, but I don’t think I’ll be doing any ghost hunting in the near future.

OXOXO

Kat

Jeggings, Army Green, and Evian Water Spritz

Hello WildeKats. Sorry this post is coming a bit latter in the day than usual, I sort of slept in…big time. But I needed it. See, Anita and I went on a ghost tour that turned into a ghost hunt. That wasn’t the plan–we were told that we would be going to different houses and buildings and getting a tour. I love history and Anita loves stories so we jumped at the opportunity. It was an over night tour, but we still weren’t prepared to be given hunting equipment and dropped off at a ‘haunted’ house with random strangers. We made some good friends, but let me tell you I was scared out of my mind!

I have another post going up on my blog tomorrow. I have some pictures of the places we went to and lots of stories to tell.

But for this post I’ll share my Ghost Hunting outfit and my Mother’s day outfit–since they were both in the same weekend and I didn’t sleep the whole weekend. Not a good idea for a spoonie, but I made sure to drink plenty of water.

GhostMomsDayCollage

The first outfit is what I wore on the ghost hunt that wasn’t supposed to be a hunt. It was cooler that night and I’m always cold so I chose a loose light tan shirt, jeggigns(did I spell this right?) and brown boots with an olive army jacket. Anything revolving around anything scary–I don’t want any exposed skin. I braided my natural hair back out of my face and set off on my surprise adventure.

The second picture is what I wore out with my family on mother’s day. Yes, I wore the same jeggings because when you get home at five A.M. and have to be at church at 10–you take a nap in your clothes, throw on a different shirt and go with it. My white van’s are my new favorite, and look at how dirty they got from walking around in those flowers. I was none to happy. As you can tell I really like neutral colors. My entire closet it mainly black, white, grey, tan, and olive. I don’t wear bright anything–occasionally I’ll wear a multi-color tank or a maroon shirt but I like black and white; simple, chic, goes with everything.

The green tank I got from a boutique in my home town years ago, it’s chiffon so it’s light and weather appropriate. And because I can’t be exposed to the sun, thanks to certain Rheum meds, I chose a cream cardigan I’m pretty sure I got from Khols two Christmases ago. Same makeup, previously braided hair went in a low pony tail, I spritzed some Evian Mineral water spray over my make up, downed a cup of coffee and went on about my day. Here’s a link to the Evian Mineral Spray–it’s one of my spring/summer must haves.

I don’t normally wear makeup two days in a row as it’s very bad for your skin. The Evian spray hydrated my foundation enough so that I wouldn’t have the dreaded cake face while I was out with family. Such makeup hacks are usually reserved for sleepless weekends in Vegas and overnight flights. The Evian Mist is great for pool days, beach days or summer in general. I discovered it during my summer stay in Phoenix. It’s a bit pricey but you can find it online for cheap. I recommend splurging on the 10 oz because the smaller bottles only have 1-2 ounces and you pay at least five bucks for each. I got a 10 oz from Jet.com for around 15 with shipping and handling but there are cheaper options. I have a good relationship with Jet.com so that’s my go to if Sephora or Ulta are too pricey.

Have a good week WileKat’s!
OXOXO

Kat

Spoonie In Distress

WildeKats, I desperately need your help.

As you know, someone mentioned starting a fashion series for my blog. But as I’ve been working on posts, taking pictures and tossing around names for the series because ‘Spoonie Fashion” is BORING.

What about starting a second blog? I don’t want to neglect Perfectly Wilde but I feel launching a series might steer the blog away from its original purpose.

What are your thoughts? Do you manage multiple blogs? If so, how? Or do you think it would be better to just keep one and do a series?

OXOXOX

Kat

Delete, Edit, Revise and Fine Tune

Good morning my loves!

It’s a nice rainy day here in East Texas. It stormed all night, and this morning as I looked out my window I was reminded of the blissful days I spent in the UK. I love the rain, I love cloudy, dreadful days. Don’t ask me why. I awoke today in a splendid mood despite how horrible I feel, so I figured this would be a good time to sit and write.

I’ve been thinking about this post for a while now. And Gem posted a podcast this morning on the same topic. You can listen to it here.

As a spoonie, you begin to realize who your real friends are. You notice people who find it hard to cope with your pain, or just don’t understand why you keep bailing and canceling on them. I’ve gone through this process with friends and family. There are people in my life that I’ve just had to let go of because either I disagreed with how they lived their life, we drifted apart for various reasons, or they constantly commented on my inability to keep plans. The group of friends I have now, Elsa, Mulan, Anita, Belle and Queenie as well as my life long bestie, C, are the people I rely on. They are very supportive and loving. They never make me feel guilty for cancelling or not wanting to do something because of the way I feel. These people are the first people I tell about everything! They were the first to know about my diagnosis and they’re also the people that made me go to the doctor in the first place. They say first hand how quickly I changed, how I was tired all the time and in pain.

My sisters, my parents, and my grandparents are amazing as well.

But it broke my heart to let go of some people. Mac was incredibly supportive but I he had his own issues with depression and anxiety. I would open up to him, but he never opened up to me. He and I agreed to call it quits because we weren’t what each other wanted in a relationship. L and I drifted apart. Not really sure why, but now as I see her on social media–I don’t see the girl who was determined to be my friend in Spanish that year. She simply stopped talking to me. And for a while I felt like it was my fault–for every relationship that I had let fall apart. But then I realized that letting go of the people who didn’t understand or who caused me anxiety is never a bad thing. As much as it pained me to let them go, I knew it was what I had to do for myself.

Unhealthy relationships don’t always happen with lovers, they can be friendships, family members, or coworkers. I love my job, but I have nightmares about certain events, I have panic attacks almost daily and I get dizzy because I stand most of the time. I made the decision to move away and start fresh in a bigger town because the opportunities were endless and that would put distance between me and people who constantly berate me for not wanting to be touched. Most of my family doesn’t even agree with my career choices. But the ones who are most important to me support my decisions even though they don’t like them.

These are the people you need in your life. Never ever feel guilty because you let go of a harmful relationship. You always need to put your and your body first. Stress has physical and emotional effects as well as anxiety and depression. I understand staying in a place because you have no other choice, but don’t make it your forever. Strive to grow, strive to move on. Work for that promotion, save up for that new apartment on the other side of town, and never quit looking for your dream job.

As a writer, when we weed out the bad things in a post, story, or novel we call this editing. There is such a thing as over editing, but having an extra set of eyes is always very helpful. Surround yourself with people who love you and support you so that when you need help weeding out those people and things that make you unhappy, they’ll be more than happy to lend a fresh perspective. Revise the list of people you keep close to you, edit out the people who bring you down and delete harmful things from your daily life. Once you make the major changes, then you can go back and add finishing touches and fine tune the punctuation. Your story is yours to write. No one ever gets it perfect on the first draft, but that’s what second and third drafts are for. If you don’t get it right the first time, try again. Just remember…

“Never compare your chapter one so someone else’s chapter twenty.” ~ unknown.

OXOXO,

With love from,

Kat

Two Spoonie’s Go To Comic ConĀ 

It’s no secret that I’m a hopeless nerd. And what’s the ultimate goal of a nerd/geek? To make it to comic con! 

Now when I nerd out. I nerd out HARD. I’m talking cosplay, meeting celebs and going to every Q&A I can make it to. I’m also very out going on my good days. So naturally I make loads of friends at these places. This year however, I’m afraid I didn’t go all out like I normally do. With my recent diagnosis I wanted to take it easy. I did dress up but my costumes were pretty laid back compared to my past costumes. I went one year in full eleven armour! 

This year, my friend, and fellow spoonie, Anita and I booked a hotel room in Dallas, stocked up on pedialyte and crackers, packed our bags and drove three and a half hours to Dallas where we had the time of our lives! Sadly some of the celebs we had wanted to see didn’t come out but we made loads of new friends. 

I was surprised at how energetic I was. I was hurting, yes. But I think with everything going on and all the excitement the pain was put on the back burner. We went prepared for the worst. And although the first day I got HORRIBLE blisters on my feet–I was relatively okay. I did have one small panic attack Saturday when I got swept away by a crowd. But I found a quiet corner to decompress in until the crowd thinned. 

So for day two I wrapped up my feet, stuffed them in my standard issue federation boots and pushed on. I went as an original series star ship captain for day two. Then a gender swapped eleventh doctor for day three. I met Jennifer Hale, Hillywood, Alex Kingston and a few pro cosplayers. I spent more time going from booth to booth talking with vendors. I finally found someone to make me a custom corset! It will be reversible so I can use it for two costumes! I also found someone who showed me how to make ME armour from Eva foam. That will be my next project. 

Aside from the major crowd and the feet blisters, Anita and I were please with the Dallas turnout. In past years it’s been disappointing (especially since I’m used to Phoenix and San Diego Cons). 

Here are some pictures of awesome costumes we saw! Maybe even a few of me šŸ˜œ 


I wish I would have taken more pictures.  But I’m sure you can find loads on the Dallas Fan Expo Website. 

Untill next time my loves 

As always, 

Oxoxo

Kat