The Blue Sky Tag

Happy Hump-day Wildekats!!

Shout out to Sydney Rose for tagging me! Please, please, please go check out her blog!

I’ve never done a tag before, so this will be interesting to say the least. I have a lot of fun things planned for the next two weeks, a wedding, some exciting new blog topics, and my crytpicon adventure! I’ve never gone out of state for a convention before, I was living in Arizona when I went to the Phoenix Comic Con and I always get nominated for things in state so I don’t have to travel very far from my small Texas town. Crypticon is quite smaller than other cons but I’m so excited to participate. I also haven’t done my Black Canary Cosplay since High School *shudders from horrible memories* so it will be fun to revamp an old costume, especially since I’m blonde now!

But back to the tag. I’m not sure how these things go, I’m sure I need to tag other bloggers as well which I will do at the bottom. Sydney gave me ten questions to answer and I will answer them with complete honesty.

  1. What’s your favorite food and why?

    • My favorite food of all time is macaroons! I eat a million other things daily that I couldn’t live without, like tea, biscuits and cereal, but Macaroons steal the top spot all day everyday. When I was in London, I met a guy at borough market who made them from scratch with natural flavors. After a nice chat he conned me into trying this bizarre blue cake thing (I had never had a macaroon before) and it was amaze-balls. I cried it was so good then proceeded to buy two of every flavor. Since then, my mom bought me my own macaroon kit and I make them with Queenie every time we get together. So far Raspberry is my favorite. It’s like a Jammy Dodger in macaroon form. *Le sigh*
  2. Do you have any pets?
    • I did, I had two female twin cats named Von Kitty(Spazz) and Meredith. When I moved for college I was forced to leave them with a friend who has completely stolen their hearts. They are fat and happy and spend their days running around without a care in the world. But have no fear, I visit them once a month and when Anita and I move we are both getting service kittens. I personally want one of those hairless cats, do not ask me why because I will tell you then proceed to melt into a puddle from cuteness overload.
  3. If you had one wish granted, what would it be?
    • Ooooooh, this is a hard one. Hmmm, let me think. I would have to say that if I could have one wish granted it would be for my novel to be published and make it to the top seller list so that I can fulfill my dreams of being a full time author living in a three story terrace in England somewhere with K and my two closest friends. Corny, I know. But England stole my heart and I am working hard every day to make that dream of mine come true. I spent a lot of time exploring London and Cambridge last summer and I couldn’t find one thing I didn’t like. York is pretty neat too, bottom line: I want to live in the UK. That is my one wish, and the best way for me to get there is to sell some books! (At least that’s how I want it to happen.)
  4. How long have you been blogging for?
    • Not too long, about a year now. I started this particular blog my last year of college because one of my classes was amazing in every way and I had to share my experience. Blogging wasn’t something I had considered before then because I felt like I wasn’t interesting enough to blog, but so many people told me to start one, so I did! And now I get to share every adventure with you all!
  5. If you are binge watching a show, what is it?
    • LOL. I think the proper question would be what isn’t Kat binge watching. I’m a spoonie; binge watching isn’t just a hobby, it’s a way of life. But if you must know I am currently binge watching Arrow, The 100 and Fairy Tail. Yes, all at the same time. This is the reason I don’t get anything done…ever. Anita opened up a world of feels when she introduced me to the anime world, so in order to balance out my feelings I alternate between shows. I just finished The Flash and Supergirl last week. And when I’m feeling down I binge watch Doctor Who or Gossip Girl. Want to know who binge watched all ten seasons of Gossip Girl and Supernatural in less than a month? ME.
  6. What is the most important lesson you’ve learned in life so far?
    • This one is easy: Be kind, accepting, earnest and never settle. My grandmother told me this when I was little. In order to succeed in life you need to be kind, accepting and earnest not just with everything else, but also with yourself. We spend way too much time beating ourselves up over silly little things that we can’t see what’s beautiful about ourselves. You need to not only treat others the way you want to be treated, but to treat yourself that way as well. Being honest about who you are, loving and forgiving yourself for mistakes, faults and hardships is essential for happiness. How can you ever hope to love someone else, or allow someone to love you if you cannot love yourself? Covering up bad feelings or insecurities don’t make them go away. You cannot fool yourself into being happy. Trust me, I know. When I was diagnosed I was in denial for so long, I didn’t want to give up the glamorous life I thought I had even though I wasn’t really happy. Now that I’ve accepted who I am (chronic illnesses and all), I can focus on what matters.
  7. What made you decide to blog?
    • Growing up I was bullied, but I was also a bully. I was always told I wasn’t good enough, not pretty enough, and weird. And sadly I took that out on younger students sometimes. I never verbally abused any one, but I was a gossip and most of the underclassmen were scared of me. High School shaped who I am as a person, and when I made it to college and was surrounded by so many beautiful encouraging people I realized something: I was weird. But that’s what made me beautiful, and that’s what made me good enough to do whatever I wanted. I traveled, tried new things, did what I wanted despite being told I couldn’t or rather shouldn’t. Once I figured out that being true to myself was all it took to have a fulfilling life, I wanted to share it. I wanted to help others, not just fellow spoonies, realize that they are so, so beautiful. It changed me as a person; I still have flaws but I’m better because I accepted them. It breaks my heart to see other people struggling in life, so when my friends kept telling me I should start a blog, I listened. I wanted to do something that could make others smile when they’re sad, write comforting words to those who need to hear them, and prove to everyone who reads this blog that the only person they need to strive to be like in life is themselves.
  8. Who’s you celeb crush?
    • Ariana Grande, hands down. I don’t listen to pop/rap music but she is so darn cute! She also does her own thing, has her own style and owns her mistakes. Her music is seriously catchy too, and I can lip sync battle anytime with her hits and choreography.
  9. Who’s your role model? (can be a celebrity or someone you know)
    • This may sound strange, but I don’t really have one. Growing up I really looked up to Lindsey Stirling and my dad, but now that I’m older I’ve realized that they are just people. They make mistakes, feel pain, have bad days just like I do. I’d rather put the effort I would put into pining to be like somebody else into being the best version of me.
  10. What’s your favorite song on the radio right now?
    • Confession: I don’t listen to the radio unless its Spotify radio. And at the moment my favorite song is Legend by The Score. I’m obsessed with their new album Myths & Legends. Go give it a listen if you like Indie Rock.

That was fun! Okay…now I need to tag other blogs, so here it goes! @annewarkewriter, @meonfocus, and @wherearemypillows–here are your ten questions:

  1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?
  2. What’s your favorite genre of books or movies?
  3. What are you looking forward to most in the next ten years?
  4. What is something you will NEVER do again?
  5. What dumb accomplishment are you most proud of?
  6. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be?
  7. Among your friends and family, what are you famous for?
  8. When people come to you for help, what to they usually want help with?
  9. What’s your favorite drink?
  10. What fictional place would you most like to visit?

Don’t feel pressured to answer or anything, but I am curious to see your answers if you choose to answer!

Enjoy the rest of your week my lovelies,

OXOXO

Kat

 

What It’s Like Being a Writer

Hello everyone.

Today I’m going to tell you about how I constantly bring myself to tears and give myself panic attacks. I guess it’s not really my fault, but I created these characters and though they seemed to have taken on a life of their own I am their creator so any pain and hardship they encounter is ultimately my own doing, yes?

I’m definitely not a professional writer, though I would love to be. My one problem is that I have way to many projects going on at once. Some are personal, some are with friends, and others I created for this very blog. Sometimes my characters get angry with me and refuse to cooperate. Most writers associate this with writers block, but I however like to think that the characters in the stories I create just need some personal space and therefore refuse to ‘talk to me’ as my friend Queenie so brilliantly put it.

I suppose I should spend my down time reading but instead I watch a lot of netflix then while I’m driving I tend to have the apostrophes (that was a Hook reference) and get myself overly excited to begin writing again. Just this week, as I was trying to work on a very different blog post about a friends organized yet unorganized wedding I was struck with a brilliant idea to get my television series started again.

About a year ago, a friend from college approached me after reading a few documents I sent him. He said that the material was original, captivating and exciting but it wasn’t going anywhere. I had hundreds of scattered documents telling the stories of a series of characters I had created when I was in Jr. High that helped me cope with my parents divorce. He encouraged me to start their story from the beginning and so began the Anthrogean Chronicles. I put out chapters on our shared google drive folder that my friends referred to as episodes. And I’ve been writing them ever since. Currently I’m on season five and I had been stuck on a heart wrenching scene where my MC’s already broken heart was shattered once more.

I don’t want to spoil any details because I plan on releasing them maybe on this blog or Archive of Our Own as a Fan Fiction of sorts–but let me tell you I cried so hard. I was up till three A.M. bawling my eyes out as my MC’s heart was splayed out for everyone to see. I’ve tortured this girl, her, her friends and her family and it’s heartbreaking because I don’t know what will happen. I always say that they’ll get their happy ending but with the way things look now, the happy ending I originally planned doesn’t look so happy anymore.

This is what it’s like to be an author. The characters–these people–that I’ve created are like my children. I hurt when they hurt, I’m happy when they’re happy, and although I may know a few things they don’t I certainly don’t know what their future will hold. I’ve written many things, including a novel, and somehow nothing turns out quite like I had envisioned them too. I don’t know about any of the professional authors out there, but an outline is just that, it’s an outline. The future is always in flux, always in a constant state of change and that happy ending you planned for your characters could be ripped away with one quick flick of the wrist. One pull of a trigger or one wrong sentence and it could change their lives forever.

I’m under no impression that my characters are real, I’m not that crazy old bat from Nim’s Island, but I do feel what they feel. I’m there for every homicidal thought, tear of joy and heart shattering moment.

So you want to know why some authors are a little crazy? It’s because our over active imaginations keep us up at night. Our characters are constantly buzzing in the back of our minds, they’re in every cup of coffee and every flurried flight of our fingers over the keyboard. They are apart of us and we wouldn’t want it any other way. I even accidentally dress like one of my characters when I’m in a bad mood. Instead of my normal hipster vibe, I opt for a dark ensemble and my combat boots.

This is the power of writing. Words can inspire even the most stubborn of people to be better. Writing is an art and a good writer can not only weave words into a finely knitted novel, but they can weave themselves into your heart. Phrases from my favorite novels as a child still hover in my thoughts and encourage me to try harder, be better and live happier. A good author will embed words into the reader’s hearts, and that’s what I aim to do. I just hadn’t been aware that first I would embed the words into my own heart.

Last month I wrote this crazy piece about a girl who had amnesia and her best friend, who was secretly in love with her, refused to leave her alone. I made myself and my best friend cry so flipping hard. Honestly, if I didn’t write I wouldn’t even know what emotions were.

That’s what it’s like to be a writer. Even if no one else ever reads your work, you still created something beautiful and you should be proud of that.

 

Have a good weekend WildeKats,

OXOXO

Kat

Sea Salt Sprays and the Andromeda Hoodie

Happy Memorial Day! I live in the states so it’s tradition to spend the weekend outdoors poolside and grilling if you can. Which is exactly what Anita and I did. 

I’ve been having some trouble with my anxiety as of late. It’s been harder to control it naturally, my essential oils and calming teas just weren’t cutting it anymore. I talked to my doctor about it but she suggested a new medication that I had been trying to avoid. So my soon to be roommate invited me to spend Memorial Day weekend with her and her family for a much needed weekend getaway. 

I was a little eerie about traveling especially after starting two new medications but I was equipped with my huzi designs infinity pillow, tummy friendly snacks and a brand new playlist courtesy of Spotify. We packed up after my sisters graduation and set out to Anita’s parents house where I was welcomed with open arms. 

I napped in the hammock, played video and board games with her brothers, lounged in the hot tub and slept on this ah-mazing tempurpedic mattress topper that was so soft yet firm. It was pure bliss. 

I spent the whole weekend in my expensive Italian bikini which unfortunately isnt pictured below for obvious reasons but I have been waiting for an opportunity to feature my favourite new hoodie. The sky was pretty cloudy so when we weren’t in the pool or the hot tub I sported my Andromeda Iniative zip up hoodie because I’m a huge nerd. 

Also, since both their pool and hot tub is a salt water system, my hair was in heaven as well. I didn’t have to worry about my new blonde locks turning green from chlorine. I simply sprayed my favourite sea salt spray in and worked some surfers paste through the ends for some perfect carefree beach waves. 

I really love this hoodie because it’s big and roomy but not so big as to where it’s in comfortable and frumpy. Unfortunately ThinkGeek doesn’t make hoodies any smaller than a medium (so I was told at Comic Con) but I’ve always liked my hoodies to be big on me. This one tends to slide down my shoulder so I look like an Ariana Grande wanna be but who cares. Anita’s family has two dogs and a cat so currently it’s covered in pet hair but I feel it adds a certain air of reality to the picture, no? 

As for the Not Your Mothers line, when I was in Phoenix and L.A. I tried everything from Bumble and Bumble to Organix and I just couldn’t find a brand I liked. A friend of mine swears by this line so I tried it and I am never going back. I liked the other brands but I found I constantly had to keep adding salt spray to my hair to keep it wavy then my hair would have a light film of product on it. 

The Not Your Mothers line has a ton of great products that are affordable and of great quality. I’ve since recommended it to my friends and they all love it as well. I have natural surfer waves thanks to my dad and I feel that these products bring out the natural waves beautifully. 

I had a wonderful weekend with Anita’s family and I hope all of you enjoyed your holidays as well. ❤️ 

With love, 

OXOXO

Kat 

Things Are Happening…Finally! 

Hey everyone! I wanted to wait to post about the amazing things that are happening until AFTER they happened. 

I have been running into quite the road block lately when it comes to my writing. I’ve been looking into making writing a career. Something I can do from home because sometimes(okay most of the time) it’s insanely hard for me to leave my apartment. Whether it’s due to fatigue or pain, I’m getting to where I just… can’t. And as much as I’d like to have a career as a video game tester, I’m putting my faith into something I know for sure I can be successful at. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll live my days out in my dream nerd cave testing video games for cryptic, BIOWARE, and Nintendo. Until then, I think I’ll stick to writing. 

I seriously lack a portfolio. I keep getting asked to link to articles I’ve written… but I haven’t written any of note except for the things I did in college on assignment. I was seriously depressed because I do not wanna be forced back into customer service–it’s just to painful. Then my grandma gave me an inspired idea. She reminded me that we have family friends that work for local newspapers. 

I reached out to one and she told me that she would be more than happy to help me build a portfolio! I am so blessed and thankful. Currently I am working on a feature piece about a company dedicated to improving the lives of local students. I officially have my first deadline. 

The past few months have been trying to say the least. I’m struggling to figure out what I need to be doing with my life. I have so many hobbies I’d love to make my career but I’m also very logical and know that I will have to make sacrifices and compromises. I refuse to be unhappy in whatever I do. I’ve been unhappy for far too long and now that I’ve made decisions, I’m the better for it.  

I’d love to be employed by a company that caters to those with chronic illnesses. Maybe one day I’ll write for a chronic illness magazine or online blog. I have a law background but being a lawyer is stressful and I’m full up on stress for now. I’m so grateful to have found the spoonie commmunity, if it wasn’t for them in not sure where I’d be. Whatever comes, I am determined to make my passion my career. 

Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend my WildeKats here in the states. And as for my UK followers–you all keep on keeping on. Have lots of tea for me ❤️ 

OXOXO

Kat

Spoonie In Distress

WildeKats, I desperately need your help.

As you know, someone mentioned starting a fashion series for my blog. But as I’ve been working on posts, taking pictures and tossing around names for the series because ‘Spoonie Fashion” is BORING.

What about starting a second blog? I don’t want to neglect Perfectly Wilde but I feel launching a series might steer the blog away from its original purpose.

What are your thoughts? Do you manage multiple blogs? If so, how? Or do you think it would be better to just keep one and do a series?

OXOXOX

Kat

Accept, Embrace, and Share the REAL you. 

Just because something is on the internet doesn’t make it true. I know from experience how easy it is to appear happy. You post pictures on instagram, Facebook and Snapchat for other people to see–so that they’ll see how happy you are. You tweet snarky, funny and mischevious tweets and post on facebook so that specific people will see it. No one wants to broadcast how miserable they are and we’re certain no one wants to see it. Instead we aim to make them jealous by being incrediably happy. Maybe you’re not lying. Maybe you’re really happy and just want everyone to see it. Cool. You do you boo. But what if you’re not. 

I am majorly guilty of this. I have family members in other states whom I don’t want to worry. In the past I’ve been bullied on line and instead of deleting my accounts I pressed on–pretended to be happy in school so that my peers wouldn’t think they had won. Which they hadn’t–but they didn’t need to think they had. 

We also judge people based off of what they post online. In my book there are very fine lines I don’t like to cross. People who do cross them… cool… but I have no desire to read it. I don’t comment or berate, I simply ignore. But it’s so easy to cover up pain with a smile in a picture. Pictures capture one small second of someone’s life, not their entire story.   

It’s so easy just to accept someone’s  seemingly happy life on insta and never press for details. I see this with a lot of celebrities. They post beautiful pictures that make other people wish they were as pretty as said celeb–then later we find out they were fighting for their lives. Either depression, anorexia, suicidal thoughts… whatever. Everyone struggles. EVERYONE. 

For years I pretended to be happy where I was. Even when I first realised I was sick I never said anything to even my parents. This only hurt me in the end. No one believed me because I struggled everyday to make myself look presentable. I covered up the pain, exhaustion and bruises that came from no where. I held back tears and suffered through the pain for so long that when I began telling people I was ill they didn’t believe me. They had seen me pretend to be happy, normal and healthy for so long that they couldn’t comprehend anything else. 

I love who I am but it took me a long time to get here. I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I knew how beautiful I was, how strong I was when I was a kid. I spent so much time trying to fit in, trying to convince the world I was jus like them but in the end I couldn’t even fool myself. 

Why do we feel the need to lie to the world? Why do we cover up our pain and project a healthy persona on social media? Who are we trying to impress? What do we hope to accomplish? 

I can’t answer any of these questions. But I can tell you that doing this–lying to the world–is dangerous in more ways than one. You’re lying to yourself. You’re trying to create an image, a person that’s not you. It’s fact that if you tell someone their not good enough long enough that person will be begin to believe it. If you keep telling yourself that your not good enough, sooner or later you will begin to believe it. If you keep telling yourself that you’re this person you’ve created, you’ll begin to believe it. Then when you can’t be that person…it’s devistating. Don’t do that to yourself. 

You are perfect the way you are. And that person is who you need to project onto the world. Don’t be ashamed of your pain, your illnesses or any hardships you’ve been having. If you need help, ask for it. You’re not alone. Everyone struggles. 

You’re your worst critic. Love yourself. Always. Originals are always worth more than copies. Don’t cover up who you are, embrace it and share it! 

I love you. 

Sorry for the touchy-feelyness this week. 

No. You know what? I’m not sorry. I love you. And I just needed to tell you that. 

Ok. I’m done now. Gross, sappy feels be gone! 

OXOXO 

Kat 

Delete, Edit, Revise and Fine Tune

Good morning my loves!

It’s a nice rainy day here in East Texas. It stormed all night, and this morning as I looked out my window I was reminded of the blissful days I spent in the UK. I love the rain, I love cloudy, dreadful days. Don’t ask me why. I awoke today in a splendid mood despite how horrible I feel, so I figured this would be a good time to sit and write.

I’ve been thinking about this post for a while now. And Gem posted a podcast this morning on the same topic. You can listen to it here.

As a spoonie, you begin to realize who your real friends are. You notice people who find it hard to cope with your pain, or just don’t understand why you keep bailing and canceling on them. I’ve gone through this process with friends and family. There are people in my life that I’ve just had to let go of because either I disagreed with how they lived their life, we drifted apart for various reasons, or they constantly commented on my inability to keep plans. The group of friends I have now, Elsa, Mulan, Anita, Belle and Queenie as well as my life long bestie, C, are the people I rely on. They are very supportive and loving. They never make me feel guilty for cancelling or not wanting to do something because of the way I feel. These people are the first people I tell about everything! They were the first to know about my diagnosis and they’re also the people that made me go to the doctor in the first place. They say first hand how quickly I changed, how I was tired all the time and in pain.

My sisters, my parents, and my grandparents are amazing as well.

But it broke my heart to let go of some people. Mac was incredibly supportive but I he had his own issues with depression and anxiety. I would open up to him, but he never opened up to me. He and I agreed to call it quits because we weren’t what each other wanted in a relationship. L and I drifted apart. Not really sure why, but now as I see her on social media–I don’t see the girl who was determined to be my friend in Spanish that year. She simply stopped talking to me. And for a while I felt like it was my fault–for every relationship that I had let fall apart. But then I realized that letting go of the people who didn’t understand or who caused me anxiety is never a bad thing. As much as it pained me to let them go, I knew it was what I had to do for myself.

Unhealthy relationships don’t always happen with lovers, they can be friendships, family members, or coworkers. I love my job, but I have nightmares about certain events, I have panic attacks almost daily and I get dizzy because I stand most of the time. I made the decision to move away and start fresh in a bigger town because the opportunities were endless and that would put distance between me and people who constantly berate me for not wanting to be touched. Most of my family doesn’t even agree with my career choices. But the ones who are most important to me support my decisions even though they don’t like them.

These are the people you need in your life. Never ever feel guilty because you let go of a harmful relationship. You always need to put your and your body first. Stress has physical and emotional effects as well as anxiety and depression. I understand staying in a place because you have no other choice, but don’t make it your forever. Strive to grow, strive to move on. Work for that promotion, save up for that new apartment on the other side of town, and never quit looking for your dream job.

As a writer, when we weed out the bad things in a post, story, or novel we call this editing. There is such a thing as over editing, but having an extra set of eyes is always very helpful. Surround yourself with people who love you and support you so that when you need help weeding out those people and things that make you unhappy, they’ll be more than happy to lend a fresh perspective. Revise the list of people you keep close to you, edit out the people who bring you down and delete harmful things from your daily life. Once you make the major changes, then you can go back and add finishing touches and fine tune the punctuation. Your story is yours to write. No one ever gets it perfect on the first draft, but that’s what second and third drafts are for. If you don’t get it right the first time, try again. Just remember…

“Never compare your chapter one so someone else’s chapter twenty.” ~ unknown.

OXOXO,

With love from,

Kat